


Who I am

by HeWhisperedBrave



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: F/M, I'm so sad, More to come if you guys like my writing, Sana doesn't deserve this shit, This show had me mad all of yesterday and today, and the scene where he encourages Sana with her infatuation with he who shall not be named, cuz he is, elias is an angel here, here he's a good boy, i don't care if you don't like him, poor sana, this is my first SKAM fic ever, was a clear indication of how sweet and protective Elias is, yousef. I trusted your dumb ass
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-10-31 09:27:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 33,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10896465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeWhisperedBrave/pseuds/HeWhisperedBrave
Summary: So this is my version of events after watching that horrible clip.Sana is left numb and in shock when she sees the boy she's in love with kissing her best friend.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I've written more. Like Sana confronting Yousef so give me some feedback on this and I'll post that scene. Or I'll leave it as it is (although I really want yousana to be endgame so bad)

Sana watches in horror as Yousef tilts his head back to kiss Noora, his hands flexing by his sides when she touches his neck. Sana almost forgets how to breathe. The buzzing around her is silenced by the panicked thudding of her racing heart. Someone shoves past her sending her that little bit closer to where Yousef and Noora are doing that. 

Sana wants to scream. She imagines pushing in between them and forcing them apart. Punching Yousef in the face when he looks surprised at her actions. Slapping Noora when she demands to know what the fuck Sana thinks she's doing. Only Sana can't fucking move. 

She's so hurt that her body has given up the will to move and her eyes are being forced to watch this.. this betrayal. Someone else knocks into her side, sending the captured breath wooshing straight out of her lungs and causing an ugly sob to break past her lips.

She covers her mouth with trembling hands when Yousef blinks an eye open and looks at her with his lips firmly pressed to Noora's. 

He pushes Noora away as soon as he sees Sana, back of his hand wiping at his mouth where her lipstick had smeared all over his lips and chin. Noora just keeps going. Letting her lips wander to his neck instead. Sana closes her eyes momentarily to escape the scene only it's been ingrained into the inside of her lids and she just can't fucking do this. 

Yousef opens his mouth to say something but Sana is already running out of the door with her hand pressed to her mouth to stop the ugly sobs she knows are coming. 

Don't. Cry. Just don't fucking cry. 

She doesn't stop running until she's met with the crisp night air, winds lapping at her face and freezing the tears that intended to fall. Sana grips her hand to her chest willing her heart to beat. She's practically gasping. Every thud of her pulse causes an immense strain to her chest and she just wills it to stop. 

She claws at her neck to get the fabric as far away from her neck as possible, wanting to rip her clothes off. Wishing to rip her own skin off. Sana stops when she hears a faint calling of her name. It sounds like Yousef's voice only Sana isn't sure anymore. Yousef is just like them now. And they're all white noise. 

She runs. As fast as she can. She doesn't know how she makes it home with her bleary eyes and aching body but she does. She's ruined her new shoes that she'd brought to- she doesn't want to think about the effort she put in to look good today. To look good for him. Sana shudders, she can't believe she really thought she had a chance. She should've listened to her mother. 

Oh god, her mother. 

Sana sits by the door of her house. The gravel beneath her digging into her legs but she doesn't care. Nothing can ever hurt her more than she's been hurt today. Nothing. 

Sana remembers yelling at her mother for doubting her friends for having a problem with Yousef. She feels so fucking dumb because Mamma always knows best. The thing is she had been willing to compromise. 

Sana had given everyone a chance. She'd given Sara a chance. She'd given Vilde a chance and she fucking gave Yousef a chance. She questioned her own beliefs for people who never bothered to care for her.

Yousef. The - Sana doesn't even know what to call him. He'd given her this small ray of hope that maybe just maybe she wouldn't always be alone. That maybe she doesn't always have to be the one caring for others , that one day someone will care for her. 

She's so fucking stupid. Of course he'd go with Noora. Maybe that had been his plan all along. Get close to Noora through Sana. Well he sure got the reward. He's got Noora now. 

Why did she ever think someone like him would ever like someone like her? She can't kiss him and do the other stuff the other girls can. She can't be with him if her parents are unhappy with him. She can't get a guy like that to look at her instead of looking at Noora because ultimately Noora is endgame for guys. 

Most guys had seen the scarf and backed away like it was a warning sign and left her alone. Yousef was the only one who talked to her. Made her feel like he saw past the scarf and more to her ideologies and her beliefs. More with the make up of her personality then the scarf on her head. He made her feel so accepted. And now. After giving her all that. He's yanking everything away from beneath her. 

Sana brings her clenched fists to her eyes and bites on her lip until the tangy coppery taste of blood works its way onto her tongue. She's just about to burst into tears when she hears the thudding of feet and someone yelling her name. 

She knows that voice. Sana leaps up and runs to him before she jumps into his embrace, arms wrapping around his waist as she claws at his back to keep him close. 

"Are you okay?"

Sana shakes her head and further buries into him. He wraps his arms around her and clings onto her with such force that Sana almost feels like he's willing his strength to glue her back together again. 

"I was looking for you everywhere!" He says, pushing her back a little to cup her face in his hands. Elias' calloused fingers brush over her cheeks as he looks into her eyes frantically. 

"I'm sorry I left you there. I was mad but when I came back, no one knew where you were. I thought I'd lost you" he pants. Sana could tell he's been running for a while. Sweat glistening on his forehead as his hands prod every inch of her face to make sure she's not bruised or cut anywhere. 

"I had to go. I had to" Sana whispers, she looks up at him only he's just a watery figure looming above her. She closed her eyes and almost falls to her knees when the tears finally seep down her cheeks. Elias mumbles something in Arabic but Sana can't hear him. She's so consumed with this mind numbing pain. 

Elias looks like he's in pain himself when he smoothed his fingers over her cheeks to wipe away at her tears. "What's happened to you? Sana, who hurt you?" His anger radiated off of him in waves. His hands shaking when they cradle her face. Sana doesn't know who to point the blame at. Whose hurt her? Who hasn't? 

She breaks down when she remembers that everyone has hurt her. Everyone she's close to has hurt her. Sana's hands drop to her sides robotically as she stares up at Elias who looks more stricken then she's ever seen him. 

"Everyone. Everyone's hurt me" 

Elias looks so confused. His thick brows lacing together in thought as he looks her up and down. Tears spurt down her cheeks as she looks up at him.  
"You said he was a good guy. You said" Sana sobs. 

Elias' jaw hangs open. 

"Yousef did this? I'll fucking-" Elias is interrupted by Sana's painful weep at the mention of his name. He stops and looks genuinely frightened. 

"Sana. Please tell me what he did. Please" Elias begs. He's got red rimmed eyes now and Sana can't help but cry harder. 

 

"I don't understand anything. I didn't mean to leave you alone there. I was mad and needed to cool off. When I came back to take you home with me, nobody knew where you were. And You-" Elias pauses when he feels Sana tense up. 

"- He wasn't there. I looked everywhere for you but couldn't find you. Then I found your phone a few streets back and nearly lost my shit. I thought-" Elias shudders and hugs her tight. Like he can't even finish the sentence because even the thought of something happening to her is horrifying. 

"Everyone's hurt me Elias. Everyone" Sana weeps. She's ruined his shirt with her make up and snotty nose but he doesn't seem to mind. Just hugs her tighter. 

"I'll fight them all. Give me names and I'll fight them" Elias promises. Sana let's out a watery laugh at that. 

"You can't fight everyone, Elias"

"Oh really? Watch me" 

Elias let's her cry her eyes out. Until she's just sniffling into the crook of his neck. 

"Alright. You've got snot all over my shirt. Fucking hell Sana. How much snot can one person have" Elias complains but he's grinning and pulling on his sleeve to wipe her eyes. Mascara trails ruining his sleeve which he whines at but softens up when Sana offers to buy him another. 

"It's alright. I'll just wash it. Let's forget about it. , eh?" Elias suggests while wiping at her puffy cheeks with a sad smile on his face. 

"Do you wanna talk about it?" He asks. 

Sana shakes her head. She doesn't think she'll be able to talk about anything without crying her eyes out. Elias nods in understanding and places a kiss to her forehead. 

"Okay. That's - okay" he looks like he wants to say something else but thinks better of it and stops. "Let's get you inside and to your room. So you can get into your pjs and I'll make you tea". Sana wants to sob again because Elias is being so considerate and he's actually offering to make Sana a cup of tea when he usually can't be bothered to make himself food even if he's starving. 

Sana nods slowly and allows him to take her to the door as he balances her against his chest and opens the door as quietly as he can. Their mother is waiting for them in the living room and she looks worried when she sees Sana's red eyes. She even questions her disheveled appearance. 

"C'mon Mamma. Give her some space. She had an argument with Vilde and they're both upset" Elias lies but thankfully her mother believed it and let's Elias sit Sana on the stairs and take off her ruined shoes. 

Elias makes up a bunch of other stories as he leads Sana to her room and settles her gently onto her bed. Their mother stands by the bedroom door looking unconvinced but the worry lines in her forehead disappear when Sana gives her a small smile and nods along with Elias' story. 

"Alright. I'm gonna go make you that cup of tea-" Elias paused and gives their mother a cheeky grin from over his shoulder. "Or Mamma can make it and I can take credit" he says and Sana can't help but giggle at that. Their mother smiles too and makes her way to the kitchen.

Elias turns to Sana with a soft look and points to her pajamas.

"You better be dressed when I come back or I'll fight you too" he warns before poking her dimple and closing the door gently when he walks out. 

Sana picks up her clothes and starts taking off the outfit she's spent ages choosing this morning. Sana dumps the clothes on the floor and stomps on them repeatedly before putting on her soft pyjamas. 

She takes off her hijab and wipes away any traces of her remaining make up hurriedly and settles into her bed. Her phone pings by her side repeatedly and Sana wants to ignore it but she wanders who it could be. 

Yousef:

Elias was looking for you. Where are you? 

Yousef:

Where did you go? He looks worried 

Yousef:

Answer your phone!

Yousef:

Sana. I'm worried. Are you okay?!!

Yousef:

Please answer your phone. I'm really worried about you<3

Sana deletes his number and blocks him that very second. Elias knocks on the door then and Sana throws her phone to the other side of her bed. 

"Are you decent in there?" He shouts. 

"Yeah I am" Sana calls back and Elias comes in balancing a tray in his hands. 

"Look at what the best brother in the world got for you. Mamma made the tea but the biscuits were my idea" Elias says brightly and sets the tray on her bedside desk. Sana doesn't know how she got so lucky with a brother like that. A tiny voice in her mind whispers mashallah because she wants him to stay this way forever. Never to turn on her the way the others have. 

"Thank you, Elias"

Elias sits on the side of her bed. "No worries" he then turns to look over his shoulder to see if their mother is there. She's not. She's probably let them have some space to talk. "You saved my ass way too many times for me not to help you out. Plus you're my baby sister. When you're sad. I'm sad" he grins. 

Sana pats his shoulder and offers him a biscuit which he inhales. Sana makes space for him to sit next to her by the head of the bed, backs resting on the pillows. Elias settles in next to her. 

"Now" he starts while stealing another biscuit. Sana offers him the whole plate. He deserves it to be honest. He hadn't had dinner today so he's obviously starving. "Tell me what Yousef did and how badly I have to beat him up on a scale of one to ten"

Sana laughs. A little hysterically if she's honest. On the border of bursting into tears again. Elias must've noticed because he settles closer to her and heaps a spoonful of sugar into her cup. 

"He didn't- He didn't do anything that I wouldn't expect. I'm being silly" Sana explains. She always knew. Somewhere in the back of her mind that Yousef wouldn't like her and was only being friendly. 

She always knew that if he didn't like her then he'd kiss other girls and she'd have to see that. Sana doesn't really know what she expected from Yousef. Maybe if it had been any other girl she wouldn't have minded so much. 

"He must've done something though" Elias adds thoughtfully. 

Sana shrugs. She doesn't know if she can tell Elias yet. Maybe tommorow when she has more courage. But tonight. All she wants to do is sleep and forget about everything that's happened. 

"You know, he was really happy. When I told him that you invited us to the kareoke" Elias says and steals another biscuit while Sana brings the cup to her lips. "Couldn't stop him from talking about you the whole time. He kept asking me if you really invited him or I was just making stuff up" 

Sana sighs softly and takes a sip of her tea. He didn't seem all too happy to see her today. In fact he acted like she was invisible the whole time. She'd tried to get his attention but he just wouldn't give her the time of day. While he was happy to slobber all over Noora. That had hurt. 

"Didn't seem like that to me" Sana says. A little bitterly if she'd honest. "The only time he talked to me is when he ran over and told me you got in a fight" 

Elias frowned at that. "Why did he tell you?"

Sana stared at him. "Elias, I have a right to know. You could've gotten-"

"No. I know that. But why did he tell you to stop a fight. Why didn't he stop it himself?" 

Sana frowns. Yeah. That had been weird. She hadn't really thought about that. To be honest Sana hadn't had the time to focus on anything today. It's been a constant whirlwind of pain. 

"I don't know. Maybe he tried and he knew you'd listen to me?" She suggests because that's the only plausible reason behind Yousef telling her to stop a fight between a bunch of guys. Sana's not weak. She prides herself in being strong but she could've easily been hurt if her brother hadn't listened and had fought further with the boys. 

"He shouldn't have told you to stop the fight. That's a dick move" Elias grumbles. Pushing the plate of biscuits away and cracking his knuckles. Sana puts a hand on his, looks up at her brother with a reassuring smile. 

"Don't worry. I knew nothing would happen. That's why I interfered. Plus you listen to me more than anyone else" Sana grins when Elias snorts and nods along. 

"Yeah. I do. Still a dick move"

Sana shrugs. It really was. 

"Why were you fighting anyway?" She asks while resting her head on his shoulder. 

Elias sighs and gently put his head on top f hers. "I'll tell you tommorow. But for now" he gently moved her away and takes her half drunk cup of tea and places it on the tray. "You need some rest. Get some sleep and we'll talk tommorow" 

Sana nods begrudgingly. She doubts she'll be able to get any sleep tonight. After the way things went and the kiss. She doubt she can close her eyes without seeing Yousef and Noora slobbering all over each other. 

Sana settled back on her pillows and kisses Elias' cheek when he bends down to take the tray. "Thank you". 

Elias smirks. "I told you. No worries" he stands up and makes his way to the door. He paused when he sees Sana's clothes on the floor. "By the way. You're THE Sana Bakkoush. Don't let anyone take that from you, yeah?" 

"The same Sana that is better than you at basketball?" Sana asks teasingly. 

Elias glares at her for a moment before he's laughing. "Don't push it. I'm being nice for maybe once in my life" he admonishes. 

"You're the nicest of them all Elias" Sana tells him honestly. Her tone quiet and sincere. He's the only one she has right now. May Allah protect him she thinks. 

"Let's stop with the mushy shit" Elias groans. He opens the door to her room before blowing her kiss over his shoulder. "Good night loser" 

Sana smiles. "Goodnight Elias". 

She settles back into her pillows and picks up her phone. And blocks Noora too. They want each other so bad then they're welcome to each other. Sana Bakkoush is done with putting people first. 

 

***

"You look nice today" Mamma Bakkoush says when Sana comes downstairs. She's got a stride in her step and her darkest lipstick on. She feels like she could take over the world. 

"Thank you" Sana smiles and sits down next to Elias who is watching some video on his phone. He looks up at her and does a double take then smirks. 

"You look like a vampire" he says way too loudly because of his headphones. Sana sticks her tongue out at him. When their mother's back is turned Elias flicks Sana's nose lightly and mouths 'are you okay?' 

Sana nods. She's not. Not really but she will be. It'll take time to get back to her old self but she will be okay again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so there's more to come. It's just being edited at the moment. I promise this isn't the end. I was just in the mood for some angst. There will be tons of fluff soon.

Sana knew he'd have to come. The boys are filming a video at her house and even though Elias insisted that he could go somewhere else, Sana had said no. It would be better to show that she was indifferent to Yousef. That she didn't care that he kissed her best friend. 

She cares though. A whole fucking lot. Sana had spent most of her time hollowed up in her room. She'd managed to read quite a good chunk of the Quran. And she's started to feel a little lighter? Sana can't explain what it is. She's always had a special connection to her faith, she can feel calm no matter what the circumstances, as long as she gets to read a specific surah. 

Sana had been just getting in touch with her religion again. Sometimes it's been the only thing she had and to think that she'd compromised her faith for people who didn't deserve that makes her feel so guilty. 

But Allah is the most merciful. The most forgiving and she finds solace in knowing that. 

Mamma Bakkoush has been walking around on egg shells around Sana. Always cautious of her questions and not mentioning Vilde because she thinks that Sana and her are arguing. Turns out Elias is a pretty good liar and his fabricated story had seemed authentic enough to explain Sana's distant looks and the phone she's always silencing. 

The girls have been messaging her. Constant questioning on why she's not turned up to the bus meetings and questioning her on whether she was a good bus leader for being so distant. Sana had sent them a message telling them that they would meet on Wednesday and had left it at that. She had muted them and deleted a majority of their numbers from her phone. Until Wednesday, Sana did not want to deal with their ignorance and bigotry. 

Elias had been home more often. Often sitting watching football matches and making Sana play basketball with him in the yard. Sana told him about the horrible things she heard the girls in the bathroom say and Elias had looked so infuriated. He swore up and down that he'd get revenge for Sana. Swore that he knew all the dirt on those girls and that information was at Sana's disposal whenever she wanted. Sana had waved off his offer but a part of her wanted to expose them all. To embarrass them for the way they always make her feel like she ought to be embarrassed for who she is and what she stands for. 

She's not told him about Yousef and Noora yet. Because she knows Elias. His short temper would ensure that he would get into a fight with Yousef and Sana doesn't want to be the cause of the end of their friendship. Yousef didn't know she had feelings for him so how could he know not to kiss Noora. Having said that, Sana still hasn't talked to either of them and despite Noora showing up at her house, Sana had looked trough her for ten minutes before Noora had got the hint and left. 

It didn't stop Elias from questioning her though. A few nights after the incident Elias had been relentless in his aim to find out what really happened. He'd been thinking about it for days and the more he thought about it, the angrier he got so he had almost exploded when he'd seen Sana look distant or just pushing away her plate of food for dinner with a downward tilt to he lips. 

He'd cornered her into her room with a steady hand guiding her by the shoulder as he smiled to their Mamma and closed the door on his way into her room. 

"Listen. I've been thinking about it and I know Yousef fucked up massively" Elias had sat on the edge of her bed with his back to her, body simmering in his rage. "You're way more troubled by what happened then you're letting on"

Sana hadn't known what to say to that. On one hand she really thought that she managed to play it cool and act like her former self when she really wasn't okay, not properly okay. On the other hand, she's kind of glad that Elias had noticed because she did feel like she was wasting away. 

"What do you mean, Elias? I'm fine" she'd tried to say only Elias had interrupted her hurriedly. 

"You're not. You're so not fucking fine. Look, if he did something to you and you're covering g up for him just so I don't fight him then please, stop. It makes me wanna fight him even more when you make excuses for him. You're gonna tell me what he did and I'm gonna go kill him" Elias had seethed. 

Sana had shaken her head and placed her hand on his shoulder. "Elias. Don't -"

"Don't fucking what Sana? Something obviously happened. If he's touched you in anyway then I'll fucking-"

"He hasn't. I promise Elias! He hasn't. He's not like that" Sana had argued back. 

Elias rubbed a hand over his face tiredly; the anger almost seeping out of him. "I know he's not like that. It's just-. He must've done something pretty bad now that he's avoiding me. So, tell me" 

Sana hadn't known what to say to that. She couldn't really tell him the truth, could she? A part of her had felt like Elias liked Noora and Elias had really thought that Yousef was gone for Sana. 

"Elias. It wasn't just him that night. The Pepsi max girls want to kick me out of the bus even though I've poured my heart into it. It wasn't just him because Noora and i argued so much. It wasn't him when literally everyone ignored the fact that I had my hands stained with blood. It wasn't just him" Sana had defended because she's a sucker for dumb boys with fluffy hair and kind eyes that had understood her in a way no one else had. 

"Okay. I get it. So what did he do then?" Elias had queried. He hadn't been angry any more, slightly deflated if she's honest. 

"He uh-he's not that into me?" Sana had tried. Elias had looked at her like she'd grown another head. 

"Are we talking about the same Yousef or?" He'd asked quizzically like he couldn't comprehend the idea that Yousef wouldn't like Sana. 

"The very sane one. He um, he was chatting with another girl and took her number" Sana had lied. It's not a massive lie she's told because there was another girl, it's just she's saving Elias from all the gross details. 

Elias still hadn't looked convinced at that. "I thought he maybe had a thing for you?" 

_So did I. Sana thinks._

__

"Elias, look. It was a build up of way too many things. The fight, the Pepsi max girls, Yousef, Isek and Evan. It all felt like it was my fault. That's why I lost my shit" Sana had admitted to him. It had been such a climatic turn of events. Elias had nodded slowly like he understood before he suddenly shot up to his feet. Sana'd watched him with wide eyes. 

"What do you mean, they want to kick you out of the bus?" He asked, hands flexing by his sides. 

Sana had grinned at him then. "I'm THE Sana Bakkoush, remember? I got a plan coming just for them" 

Elias had laughed at that, his shoulders relaxing and had the lines in his forehead disappearing. 

"My sister, the bad ass" he'd gloated. 

Sana smirked evilly. "You know it". Sana was beyond done with putting people above her like they had some right over her. She was way past accepting the barely concealed islamaphobia that her 'friends' dished out on the regular. She was so done with certain boys too. 

These people have been leeching of Sana's constant care and support and we're never there when she needed them. Noora probably only came by to gloat about how her and Yousef finally managed to hook up and that Sana really missed out. 

Sana doesn't feel like she's missed out on too much. IF Yousef was really worth all that he wouldn't have kissed Noora. 

***

 

Sana is sitting at the kitchen table with her biology folders and papers surrounding her. She's got an exam in a few days time and has devoted all her time to revising. She's answering a question on dopamine and the hypothalamus when she hears someone cough. She ignores it. Pressing herself further into her work and writes her notes a little faster. 

"Sana?"

Sana freezes. It's him. She's spent all this time imagining scenarios of this encounter. There's visions of her stomping over to him and slapping his cheek and yelling. Others where she bursts into tears and begs him to tell her why he did that. Why he had to choose Noora of all people. And the last part of her wants to be blank. To look through him and make him feel as invisible as he had made her feel. Except her mind goes blank the moment that she hears his soft voice. 

"Hmmm?"

Yousef gulps audibly. Sana tries not to take pride in the fact that he looks like he hasn't slept properly in weeks, his cheeks looks little thinner like he'd not been eating much either. She immediately feels guilty for thinking he deserved that for making her feel like shit. She's hardly been eating herself and just yesterday her favorite jeans had been too big for her and that had made Sana unbelievably depressed . 

"How are you?" Yousef asks with a hand scratching at the back of his neck. His voice is audibly nervous, his bottom lip nibbled raw from his teeth. 

Sana levels him with a look and rests her back against the chair trying so hard to look unbothered by his presence. Even if her heart is screaming at her to go touch him. Tell him she'd forgive him. 

"I'm good" she says and goes back to writing in her book. A message from Elias pings on her phone. 

_Shall I come?i._

__

Sana smiles and drops her pen in favor of replying to Elias all the while she can feel Yousef staring at her with an intensity that's enough to cause a rush of heat to her cheeks. 

_No. I'm gonna handle it X_

__

Sana closes her phone and gets back to the notes she's writing. Biology is such an interesting subject, she's glad she's so interested in or else she'd be struggling with these complicated exam questions. 

"I um I really wanted to-" Yousef stops and gulps uneasily when Sana doesn't look up from her books. "Wanted to speak to you"

Sana raises a perfectly arched brow and purses her lips. "Kay" she says and looks at him expectantly. 

"I, well um I came to say. Um" Yousef pauses again and wipes his palms onto his jeans. Sana sighs agitatedly. 

"Today would be good Yousef" Sana snaps. Her tone filled with barely restrained anger. Yousef looks momentarily taken back and he frowns. He tugs on the loose strands of his hair that aren't pushed back by his red bandana. 

"Right. I just. I wanted to say I'm sorry?" Yousef mumbles hurriedly. 

"Really? You don't sound so sure" Sana points out. She takes a sip of her glass of water to clear her suddenly dry throat. She doesn't want to be mean to him but Yousef crossed a line and he needs to learn that Sana is not some toy and that she had confided in him in a way she really hadn't with anyone else. He'd taken that trust and dumped it in the trash along with Sana's heart. For that he had to learn his lesson. 

"I am. I'm sure" Yousef insists. Sana raises her eyebrows and shrugs before looking at her nails in boredom. 

"Kay. Well I don't know what you're apologizing for?" Sana tells him. It's true. She doesn't know. Is he sorry he kissed Noora? Is he sorry that he got caught? Is he sorry that she was dumb enough to believe he'd ever like her? 

Sana presses her lips together at that final thought. She hates thinking that someone is somehow better than her now. She's never going to put anyone on a pedestal ever again. Yousef gnaws at his lower lip again and steps a little further into the kitchen. The kitchen all of a sudden seems too small and Sana finds it so fucking hard to breathe. 

"You have every right to be mad at me. If you wanna punch me, kick me, do whatever you want to me-" 

"Don't tempt me" Sana warns. She hides her balled up fists under the table and looks up at him with piercing eyes. Yousef s eyes widen dramatically at that and he takes a step back. The calm terrifies him more than an actual rage ever could. 

"Okay. That's. Okay. You can do that now if you want?" Yousef nods and steps into the kitchen until the table is the only thing separating them. "I'd let you beat the shit out of me if it makes you feel any better" Yousef adds and sits on the chair facing Sana. "But i know you wouldn't do that. You're not like that" Yousef says softly. 

Sana's anger immediately spikes up at that. 

"Stop acting like you know me or what I'm capable of doing" Sana glares at him with her teeth biting onto the inside of her cheek. 

Yousef holds up both of his hands in surrender. He looks almost disappointed for a second before a ghost of a smile makes its way over his lips. 

"I do know you though. From the little bit of time that I was lucky enough to get to talk to you" Yousef pauses in mid sentence and his eyes glaze over almost like he's remembering those times. Sana tries so very hard to maintain the frown on her face even though all she wants to do is smile back at him and remember that there was good before things turned ugly. "I did get to know you". 

"Okay, so what? Do you want a medal? I knew Sana for like a few weeks and now I'm such an expert on her that I could write a five thousand word analysis on her behavior" Sana knows she's giving him attitude but she really can't help herself. 

Yousef grins at that. "Who says I haven't done that already? Who says it's not ten thousand words?" He says. Sana has to bite on her lower lip hard to stop a smile from spreading over her lips. Damn you Yousef and your stupid charming self. 

Sana crosses her arms across her chest and looks down at her work. "Can you hurry this up? I have work to do and you're wasting my time". 

Yousef blinks slowly, an unreadable look crosses over his face before he schools his expression. 

"Look, Sana. I'm really sorry that I kissed Noora. It was wrong of me and I really over stepped the line when I did that and-" 

"Why would it be wrong that you kissed her?" Sana interrupts him. She's genuinely curious here. Why does he think it's wrong to kiss Noora. Yousef opens and closes his mouth, floundering to find his words but he just can't seem to get his shit together and make some sense. 

Yousef states down at the table, fingers playing with the loose thread of the table cover. He looks up at Sana with a strange look on his face. 

"What do you mean?" He asks, feigning innocence and Sana is so tempted to snap at him again. To watch him recoil at her harsh words and angry glares but her stupid heart won't let her be angry with him to that extent so she goes along with it. 

"Were not together" Sana points between them. "Why would it matter to me that you were kissing Noora?" Sana explains easily, she feels weirdly calm now when she says Noora's name without feeling a gut wrenching pain of betrayal consume her body. 

"I uh" Yousef looks thoughtful for a moment before he sinks in his seat, shoulders dropping when he lowers his head. "I don't know why it would matter to you" he whispers. Sana puckers her lips at that while her mind is screaming at Yousef because hadn't he noticed? Hadn't he noticed that she smiles at him like he's the reason she wakes up in the morning. Hadn't he noticed that she opened up to him in a way that she hadn't opened up to anyone else before? Hadn't he noticed the blush on her cheeks whenever he was around. Hadn't he noticed her?

"See, you don't know what your apologizing for. So please leave me alone. I've got an exam to revise for" Sana dismisses him quickly and pretends she's too intrigued by something she's reading on her laptop. Yousef watches her for a few moments, sighs exasperatedly before he gets up. 

He fucking gave up so quickly, Sana can't help but think bitterly. She ignores his presence until she feels someone slide onto the floor beside her on his knees while he looked at her laptop screen with her. 

Sana waits a few moments before turning to look at Yousef with a put on smile she reserves for the Pepsi Max girls. "What?" 

Yousef smiles softly and wrings his hands together, a nervous trait he's picked up from Elias, she noted. 

"There's actually a few things I want to apologize for" Yousef tells her and shifts a little closer, not enough to invade her personal space but enough that she feel the heat radiating from his body. 

Sana leans back in her chair and looks at the back of Yousef's head, momentarily side tracked by the pale vulnerable nape of his neck. 

"Do you know why you're apologizing for those other things or do you not know? Just like the last apology" Sana questions. As much as she's enjoying watching him squirm, there's nothing remotely satisfying about having him this close but he feels so far away. 

"All right, all right tough girl" Yousef smirks. "You're right I'm talking a lot of shit today but I genuinely want to apologize for the things I did" Yousef admits. 

"Dude" Sana points to her watch and taps the screen irritably so that Yousef would get the point. 

"Okay" Yousef nods and takes a steadying breath before he's moving back a little. Sana has no time to be disappointed at the fact that he's distanced himself, not when he easily twists her seat around so that she's facing him. He keeps his hands on the chair legs rather than the much easier way of moving the chair around, which is by her thighs. 

"I shouldn't have touched you when I was telling you about Elias' fight" Yousef starts. He's got an anguished look on his face as he speaks. "I invaded your personal space and you clearly didn't want that. I could see it in your face. I really shouldn't have been that handsy with you". Sana gulps uneasily at that. He'd noticed that then. 

Yousef is looking at her with pleading eyes, they're almost on the same level if she'd only look up and meet his gaze. She can't. 

Sana nods. "You're right" she wets her lips with her tongue and furrows her brow. "I didn't like that at all" she admits. 

Yousef looks like he's been punched in the heart at her admission. 

"See I knew it. I was so stupid. I just wanted you to stop the fight, I really shouldn't have approached you like that. Didn't even think about the fact that maybe you didn't want me tou-"

"Why did you want me to stop the fight?" Sana hurries to ask. She needs to know because the Yousef she had feelings for wouldn't have put her in that situation if he knew he could prevent it. This Yousef had left her to fend for herself. 

Yousef stared at her inquiringly, his eyebrows squished together in thought, likes he's trying to decipher what she means. Sana doesn't like that. She's not talking in riddles. She just wants to know why he didn't help stop the fight too. 

"You-" Sana stops speaking momentarily just so she can catch her breath. She feels already winded from being so close to Yousef and from having to speak about things that made her terribly upset. "You let me go to a fight where I could've been hurt" Sana gulps around the lump stuck in her throat. "Just so you could have Noora to yourself so you could make out with her" Sana finishes. She looks up at Yousef then. Meet his gaze with a ferocious stare of her own. 

Yousef shook his head. "No. I didn't mean it like that" he pauses and looks genuinely scandalized at the thought of Sana thinking he'd do such a thing. "I knew Elias would listen to you. You wouldn't have gotten hurt" he assures. Sana doesn't know who he's trying to convince her or himself. 

"Then why didn't you come with me?" 

Yousef glares at Sana then. 

"What? So I'm supposed to come with you even though you're capable of looking after yourself? Or that you brought this onto yourself " Yousef questions. Sana can't help but find him unbelievably attractive when he's angry. Sana nods and looks back at her belongings on the table, she takes a few seconds to allow her breathing to mellow down before she starts packing her things away. 

"What are you doing?l Yousef demands. Sana doesn't look at him. Just keeps on packing her stuff. She shuts down her laptop and closes the lid. "Sana. Can you stop please?" Yousef tries but Sana isn't listening. She's tired of listening to everyone else talk. 

"I said stop!" Yousef grabs a hold of her wrists forcing Sana to stop her movements. She tries to yank her hands away only Yousef is holding on tight. Never once adding pressure so that he's actually hurting her. 

Sana stops abruptly and sucks in a breath, she can't deal with him right now. She thought that she was ready to handle it but she's not. It's way too soon for confrontations and he's griping her wrists so gently that she can't concentrate properly. 

"Please just stop and listen to me" Yousef begs, his thumbs brush soothing circles into the insides of her wrist. Sana has to stop herself from choking out a sob because this is literally all she'd wanted? To talk to him and be held by him. 

"Yousef?" Sana starts with her eyes watching the door in case Elias came barging through it to make sure Sana hadn't killed Yousef with her bare hands. She waits until Yousef replies with a small affirmative nod before she yanks her hands away from his now loose grip. "Get out or I swear I'll get Elias to throw you out". 

Yousef opens his mouth to argue but Sana puts her hand over his moving lips. He immediately stills under her small palm. 

"I can't do this now. You have to leave because I don't want to see you" Sana says, she places her hand more firmly against his mouth when he protests. "It doesn't bother me that you and Noora were kissing. You two at welcome to eachother. Just leave me out of the bullshit" 

Yousef looks defeated. It's not a good look on him. His shoulders sag and his head tilts forward, eyes downcast. He nods solemnly for s second before he stops the shaking of his head almost like he'd been surprised by this involuntary movement. Sana moves away from him then, picking up the last few things she had on the table. She slings her bag over her shoulder and makes her way to the kitchen door. 

"You have to forgive me" Yousef says suddenly, voice startling Sana to a standstill with her hand clutching the door handle. Sana looks back at him from over her shoulder, she takes zero comfort in the fact that he looks distraught. 

"Of course I will" Sana agrees easily. She can tell that Yousef is relieved at her answer with the huge breath he lets woosh out of his lungs. "It's what my religion taught me" Sana adds and then she's gone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyy guys 
> 
> So I just want to say sorry cuz I didn't post this chapter earlier. Writing a fic in exam time is pretty hectic. 
> 
> I'm still mad at Yousef. Maybe I'll stay mad at him forever lol.
> 
> Not very confident with this chapter if I'm honest but kudos and comments will be highly appreciated! X

Sana can admit she spends way too much time at home and it's becoming a major source of concern for her mother. Her dad seems concerned too, she often finds him asking Elias to tell him what's wrong. Mamma Bakkoush hovers over her worriedly all the time and with Elias' constant checking if she's alright is driving Sana insane. She knows they mean well but it's come to the point now where she doesn't want to talk, she just wants to live.

She doesn't want to think about the bus or her supposed friends and she definitely does not want to think about Yousef. The very same Yousef who had given up on Sana already. He hasn't tried to talk to her again after the last time. It's not like Sana has tried to stop him, because she felt horribly empty after their last encounter and had wanted to maybe amend things so that there wouldn't be any bad blood between them. 

Except Yousef hadn't given her that chance and, well, Sana is way past giving people chances that they don't deserve. If someone really cared for her then they wouldn't give up on the first try. Noora had given up. 

She stopped trying after that time she came to Sana's house, she'd heard from Evan that she had turned to Vilde for emotional support. Sana doesn't really give a fuck. She'd sauntered past them with a glare when she'd seen them at the coffee shop that her and Noora regularly frequented. 

Sana is mostly upset with Yousef. She knows she doesn't have the right to be, when essentially she was the one who told him to leave her alone. She just can't help but feel at a loss when he's not around, she'd gotten so used to his lame memes and cute messages and now that silence was honestly startling. 

She kicks at the ball in front of her a few times as she ambles her way to the basketball court. It's the very same one that she and Yousef had played in. Maybe that's a little weak and she could've gone to any other court, but Sana wants to remember the sparse good memories she had while she was here. 

Sana bends down to pick up the ball and bounces it a couple of times. The ball is covered in mud and Sana curses Elias in her head for mucking up all the balls at home. She immediately regrets it though because Elias has been somewhat of a lifeline for the past few weeks and Sana is eternally grateful. 

It's undeniably freezing and Sana wishes she'd brought a thicker jacket or maybe stolen one of Elias winter coats. She hopes that playing basketball will warm her up a little but secretly she's enjoying the crisp bite of the wind against her reddened cheeks.

It distracts from the constant dullness she's been consumed with these few weeks. She bounces the ball a few more times before lunging up to dunk the ball in the net. It goes in and she catches it again. Dribbling the ball back to her starting point and bouncing it again. She's just about to throw the ball once more when a voice startles her. 

"I can do it better" the voice taunts. 

Sana tries not to let the almost tantalizing allure of their voice deter her from the ball she's trying to get though the net. She widens her feet apart and jumps, arms stretched towards the net as she slams the ball in. The force behind her movement has the ball ricocheting away. 

He runs after the ball, long hands outstretched to catch it. Sana immediately feels a rush of affection for him and his dorky self. Yousef comes back with a small grin on his face as he throws the all back to Sana. He looks drained. Way worse then he had looked the last time that Sana had seen him and that causes an unwanted sense of guilt that has her stomach churning . 

"You can do anything better than me" Sana tells him, voice monotone as she holds onto the ball. She doesn't want to argue, she doesn't know why he's here but if it's more shouting and arguing then she is absolutely not here for it. Sana has had enough with the constant whirlwind of fluctuating emotions. 

Yousef frowns and walks closer to her. 

"What do you mean by that?" 

Sans doesn't bother looking at him, just continues bouncing the ball before she's jumping and watching it fly into the net. 

"I dot want any more fighting and arguing. So, yeah you're better. Whatever" she mumbles passively. She goes to retrieve the ball but it's close to him and Sana really doesn't want to be close enough to mell his cologne and be reminded of how much she'd missed him. "If I was better than you then I wouldn't have been dumb enough to fall for your shit"

Yousef watches her for a few seconds before he jogs over to the ball and kicks it in Sana's direction. 

"I'm not better. I was just joking" Yousef points out. He sounds like he might be angry again and Sana really doesn't wanna deal with that. She shrugs and kicks the ball back in his direction before she makes her way over to her bag pack. "Wait, what do you mean by dumb enough to fall for my shit?" 

"I have to go" Sana ignores him and picks up her bag, teeth chattering as she pulls her hoodie tighter around her body. "You can keep the ball if you want. Elias won't mind". 

"Wait. I wanted to talk to you" Yousef interjects with his hand raised like he wants to halt her movements. He looks hopeful, an unreadable glint in his dark eyes. 

Sana looks down at her phone. She's got a few missed calls from Elias and a few frantic messages from her mother. 

"I can't stay. Everyone at home will be worried if I get there late" Sana tells him and she is already sending a message to her mother to tell her that she's fine and will be home soon. 

"Hey, just wait a second" Yousef dives forward to grab a hold of her before he thinks better of it and keeps his hands to himself. "Please, Sana. Can you just wait?" He pleads. He's got his hands up by his head like he's afraid to touch her, like she's something fragile that will break if he puts the right amount of pressure. 

Sana stops walking and turns to face him. Hands rubbing up and down her arms to try and get some warmth in them. She hopes whatever Yousef wants to say will be quick because she intends to get home before it gets any colder. 

Yousef looks relieved when she stops. He lets out a harsh breath and beams when Sana looks up at him. 

"Okay. I'm so glad you showed up today. I don't know why you did but I'm really glad" Yousef starts, he's got a hand pressed to his chest while the other waves between them frantically. It's only then that Sana notices that his hands are trembling. 

"I- I've been coming here for the past few days, hoping you'd come by and you did" Yousef admits, he stares down at his feet, looking bashful. He chances a look up when Sana doesn't say anything. 

She doesn't know what to say. For the first time ever Sana feels a sense of urgency in her gut, insisting that she listen to him. Insisting that this won't come back to hurt her. Sana has always trusted her gut instincts so she nods in affirmation to Yousef's words. She's also very wary when it comes to apologies, especially from Yousef. She doesn't know what legitimate excuse he can have for the way he acted that night. 

"The great Sana never disappoints, right?" He grins nervously when Sana purses her lips together at that. Yousef hurries to amend his words, thinking he'd offended Sana somehow.

"I mean, you're always great and I'm not saying I would be disappointed in you if you hadn't showed up because I wouldn't have expected you to?"

Yousef gets a stricken look on his face before he falls all over himself to speak up again. 

"Not that I didn't expect it because I have low expectations of you. I think really highly of you and, um" Yousef trails off when Sana rolls her eyes at him. "I'm messing this up, aren't I? Fuck, Sana I don't know-"

"Yousef?" Sana interrupts his incoherent mumbling. 

The fumbling boy freezes with a hand tugging at his loose hair. "Yeah?"

Sana presses her lips together to stop herself from smiling. He's so undeniably adorable when he's nervous but Sana doesn't want him to be nervous. She wants him to feel comfortable in talking with her. 

"I got what you meant the first time. No need to explain why you think I'm great" she teases. Yosef's eyes widen before he grins languidly. 

"The explanation for why I think you're great will come later" Yousef promises with wide, earnest eyes. "Really, i've got that ten thousand word analysis typed out and ready". Sana doesn't know whether he's joking or actually serious. The way he's fumbling around in his pocket gives Sana the impression that he is most definitely not joking. 

"There's no need for that" Sana tells him. She's not here to fish for compliments. She's here to give him a chance to talk. Yousef looks like he doesn't agree with her but he doesn't say anything about it any further. 

"Okay. Um. I just want to say I am really sorry for the way I acted last time. I didn't mean to yell at you" Yousef apologises. Sana nods in approval, teeth chattering when she moves her head. Yousef opens his mouth but shuts it again, teeth clinking together as he makes a noise of surprise. 

He rushes to take off the thick jacket he's wearing, his arm getting stuck at one point before he drapes it around Sana's shuddering shoulders. 

"No. It's your jacket!" Sana protests but Yousef waves her off with a small smile. The jacket hangs way past her mind thighs and she huddles into its softness. Surrounded by the warmth of Yousef's heat and his comforting scent. 

"I offered my organs before. This is the least I could do" Yousef smiles, his nose crinkling in his effort to control his grin. Sana can't help but allow a small smile to work its way onto her lips.

"By the way the offer for my organs still stands" Yousef says seriously with his brows lifted high. Sana giggled at that, immediately sobering up when Yousef looks like he could explode from happiness at her laughter. 

"Stop offering your organs to everyone" Sana admonishes. Someone will take his offer literally one day and he'll be screwed. Vilde is probably the type, to be fair. Yousef sticks his tongue out at her. 

"I'm not offering all of them to everyone though. I'm only offering them to you" Yousef points out. He's got a smug look on his face when Sana raises her eyebrow at him and tilts her head to the side to look at him quizzically. 

"You can't survive without all your organs, Acar" Sana reminds him dryly. Pretending like his charming words don't affect her. Her attempts are futile. Yousef shrugs and tilts his head up to the sky. 

"Would you care if I didn't survive?" 

Sana is momentarily taken back at that. She glares at him. "Of course I'd care Yousef. What the hell, dude?"

She shoves at his chest for saying such dumb stuff. Honestly what was wrong with him?

Yousef smiles down at her at that. He pretends that her shove hurts him as he places a hand over where her hand had been and pouts. 

"Don't make me hurt you for real" Sana threatens. She's got a mean left hook and if Yousef really wants to feel the power of her punch then she's all too happy to oblige. 

Yousef gasps at her comment. He holds his hand to his chest with an exaggerated hurt plastered all over his face. 

"I am hurt, Bakkoush" he whines but he's got a huge grin stretching over his lips. Sana huddles into his jacket further, nose nestled into the thick fabric. 

"I still have to get home, Yousef" Sana reminds him, she's still shuddering where she stands but it's no longer as cold as it had been before. 

"I know" Yousef acknowledges, he pulls his phone out of his pocket and furrows his brows at the time. "It's not that late" he points out. 

It's not. But her family have been waiting on her for quite a while now. Another thing is that Sana doesn't want to spend too much time with him in fear of what she might do. There's only a few ways this could go and neither options were what Sana wanted so it's better to limit their time together. 

"I know. I just don't want to spend too much time-" 

"With me? It's okay. I get it" Yousef affirms when Sana stays quiet at that. "But I do want to talk this out. I wanna go back to the way it was before"

Sana rolls her eyes. She's been doing that a lot around Yousef lately. 

"Before what? Before you kissed Noora? Before we talked here last time?" She asks. Yousef really had a way of making the simplest things a whole lot more complicated then they should be. 

Yousef sighs and tucks his hands into his pockets. His nose is now a pinkish hue and Sana regrets taking his jacket. 

"I mean before when things were good between us. Where I wasn't blocked by you from every form of contact" Yousef answers with a part to his lips he looks thoughtful before he goes on. 

"I was mad at you" he admits. "You invited Evan to the karaoke after I told you about what happened. After I confided in you. I didn't tell you all that just so you could force us to get together and make peace. There's a reason we haven't tried to do that ourselves" Yousef says with a frown scrunching his brows together. 

"I didn't mean to cause problems. I just wanted everyone to be there. To have fun together" Sana mumbles. She might have been in the wrong there but her intentions had been innocent. She'd only wanted what was best for everyone. 

Yousef smiles kindly then. 

"I know your intentions weren't malicious. But it wasn't the greatest of ideas. Not because of you" he hurries to point out. "We should've dealt with our problems earlier. It's not fair on you to be put in this situation". 

Yousef scratches at the back of his neck with a guilt ridden look on his face. "At the time I felt betrayed that you would invite us as well as Evan when you know the situation. I thought you'd done it in spite"

Sana shakes her head. How could he possibly think that she would do that?

Yousef sighs in frustration. It's more directed at himself than at Sana. 

"That was really unfair. I told you. My mind wasn't in the best place. I didn't think. I just blamed you. Which was totally wrong of me" Yousef mutters. Eyes downcast like he can't meet Sana's eyes in shame. 

"Just seeing Evan and then seeing you smiling at me" Yousef shakes his head like he's trying to distract himself from negative thoughts. "I just thought the worst. I really am sorry" he admits, tone grave when he looks up. 

"Then Elias gets in a fight that I didn't want to get involved in and couldn't stop him. So I called you to stop it because you can deal with Elias better than any of us can" Yousef's features smooth out from the harsh creases that had formed. 

Sana watches him with her lips pressed together. She doesn't know what to say. Does he think this excuse is enough? She keeps quiet though, willing to give him a chance to speak. 

"Noora" Yousef takes a shuddery breath. "She stopped me from coming after you. She told me about the things you said. She made me realise what a fool I'd been and then she kissed me" Yousef tugs at his hair with his eyes back to the ground. 

"Why were you a fool?" Sana whispers. She hadn't meant to say that stuff. Not really. It had been the bitter part of her that didn't want Noora getting too close to him. 

Yousef snorts. "It's pretty obvious isn't it?" 

Sana shakes her head in disagreement. It's not. He's being anything but obvious. 

"Me and you never had a chance. You're Muslim and you'll have to marry a Muslim boy that your dad and mom will approve of. You don't want someone like me. Someone immature, wasn't that what you said?" Yousef accuses. 

"That's not fair, Yousef. I didn't mean to say that". Yousef is then one who rolls his eyes. Sana ignores him. "We never had a chance at what?" Sana asks. Her eyes are wide open in disbelief. Does he mean what she thinks he does? 

Yousef stares at her, gaze unwavering. 

"Um. I liked you. I mean I still- I like you. Like a whole lot. Have a crush on you the size of a small planet" Yousef says like it's been obvious all along. It wasn't. Sana had thought he was really friendly and that maybe he was interested in talking to her. But not the full extent that he actually liked her. 

"Wow. That's just-wow" Sana breathes, her eyes are as wide as saucers when she looks up at Yousef. 

Yousef nods dismally. "She mentioned that you didn't think very highly of me. And with you, um, with you giving me mixed signals. I thought she was right" Yousef explains. "When she kissed me, I didn't push her sway. I did kiss her back because I felt like maybe I could forget about you. You were unattainable even if I tired" he finishes while he scuffs his shoes on the gravel beneath them. 

Sana can feel herself shaking and this time it's not from the cold. 

"You kissed her even though you liked me? Where is the sense in that, Yousef?" She shouts almost hysterically. Her voice echoing in the empty courtyard. He winces st her tone but says nothing. Yousef must be so absurd if he thinks that was a good idea. 

"I didn't know. I had no idea if you liked me. I still don't know"

Sana balks at that. 

"How can you possibly not know? Why would I be this angry at you if I didn't like you and want you for myself? Honestly Yousef you do talk some shit sometimes" Sana can't help but yell. He's enraged her. How could it not have been obvious. 

"I didn't know. You're not that easy to read sometimes. It's like I have to guess everything when it comes to you. One minute you block me on Facebook, the next you're talking about religion with me" Yousef defends. His mouth is set in a thin line as he glares back at her. His anger only fuels Sana's already explosive rage. "I didn't even know if you were happy to talk to me or not" 

Sana throws her hands up in the air. She doesn't know what she's gonna do with this oblivious boy. She's tempted to smack him round the back of the head and yell at him. 

"Yousef! How could you even say that?" Sana rants. "I can literally count on one hand, the amount of people that I actually smiled at in my whole life. I literally smiled from ear to ear when I was with you" Sana can't believe this boy is so dense. She hasn't even smiled at Elias as much as she had done with Yousef. 

Yousef looks puzzled. Like he's genuinely mystified. 

"What about what you said? About me being immature and shit. Why would you say that if you liked me?" Yousef is back to glaring at the ground. He tugs his cap over his ears to shield them from the blistering cold. Sana takes off the beanie she has on her head and gives it to him. 

Honestly snap backs in this weather? 

Ridiculous. 

Yousef opens his mouth to refuse but Sana merely pushes it to his chest until he takes it and puts it on. 

"I only said those things because I thought she liked you. She kept questioning me about you. Saying how you're charming and funny and asking my opinion of you" Sana takes in a laboured breath, the hurt of that night creeping back on her without warning. She already feels choked up. 

"I wasn't gonna tell her that you're a great guy just so she could have you. So I said some stuff about you. Maybe I was silly to do that but I wanted to have a chance. If Noora liked you then I could never stand a chance" Sana tells him, voice trailing off into a whisper before she's looking up at him. 

"But I guess I shouldn't have done that. She got you anyway" she says around a lump in her throat. She clenches her hands into the fabric of his jacket and begs the tears to hold back until she was home. She didn't want him to see how affected she had been. How it had stung to even think about Yousef. 

"Don't say that. Please don't" Yousef pleads. He's got an anguished look on his face that pulls at Sana's heart strings. 

"Why not? You're not Muslim. She's not Muslim. She's always liked you. You kissed her back. She had you from the start" Sana looks up at him imploringly then, he can't deny that. 

Yousef runs a hand over his face haggardly. He stares off into the distance for a few seconds before staring back at Sana. 

"No one but you, had me from from the start" Yousef says adamantly. His head nodding in affirmation when Sana looks at him in disbelief. "If I'd known about all this then I wouldn't even breathe next to a another girl when I knew I could have you, Sana"

Yousef slowly, moves his hands so that they hover on each side of Sana's face. He stares at her questioningly until Sana closes her eyes in acceptance. She almost melts to the floor when Yousef's trembling hands press into her cheeks. 

"I'm so sorry for kissing her. My mind wasn't in the right place and I shouldn't have done that" Yousef whispers. Sana clenches her eyes shut at that. She knows that if she opens her eyes then he'll be able to see the glistening sheen of unshod tears and he'll know how much he hurt her. Sana doesn't want anyone to know how badly it had hurt. Not even Yousef. 

"I hate you for it" Sana croaks out. She knows it's unfair because he genuinely didn't know that she liked him and she knows that-

"I know. But I will make it up to you. Even if I have to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I will" he says earnestly. There's a brief pause before he shifts. Yousef leans in. Sana can feel his head block the sunlight that she could see from behind her eye lids. Sana snaps her eyes open just as Yousef presses a feather light kiss to her forehead. His own eyes closed when she stares up at him. 

"You betrayed me like everyone else did, that night. Every one of you let me down" Sana can't help the accusatory tone in her voice. She had never felt so alone in that moment, not until Elias had shown up. But Elias didn't understand everything that was going so he couldn't really help. Sana had been left to fend for her own. 

"I'm so sorry" Yousef apologies with the softest brush of his lips on the tip of her nose. Sana shudders under his touch. "You deserve so much better. I'm so sorry" 

Sana is just so tired of it all. Having to pretend that she was fine when she wasn't. Having to convince her family that she could conquer the world with her strength. And she's had to convince herself that maybe she's destined to be forever alone and it could be better that way because no one would be able to get close enough to hurt her, the way everyone had done on that night. 

"The Sana that tolerates that shit is gone, you hear me?" Sana warns, because it's true. She will no longer be a doormat and allow others to drain her of her kindness and honesty for their own good. 

Yousef nods in agreement. He looks positively awe struck as he stares at her. Sana can't help the blush that blooms stop her cheeks. 

"Can I?" Yousef opens his arms out so they hover around each side of her. Is he? Does he want a hug? Sana watches him with wide eyes. Surely that's not what he means. Maybe he wants his jacket back? 

"Oh you want it back? Here" Sana takes off the jacket and immediately regrets it. The jacket had shielded her from the blistering cold and now she's left to shiver in her good for nothing hoodie. Honestly it had been much warmer when Sana had left the house so the hoodie had seemed appropriate then. 

"No-I" Yousef shakes his head fondly. He places the jacket back around Sana's shoulders, lips pressed together when she looks up at him with questions in her eyes. 

"Then what do you mean? What do you want?" Sana asks as she tugs the jacket tighter around her. She's grateful that Yousef is letting her wear his jacket for now, she would've frozen her ass by now if he hadn't. 

Yousef takes a step forward. The tips of their shoes touching. 

"There's a lot of things I want" he answers. Sana raises both eyebrows at him and smiles but doesn't say anything. "I want you to be happy. I want you to always be happy. I want to hug you because you look like you're freezing and-"

"You can" Sana blurts out. She winces at how desperate that might sound. "You can hug me to keep me warm" 

Yousef snickers at that. 

"Only to keep you warm, hmm?"

Sana shrugs. 

"It could be a good use for your noodle arms" she teases. Yousef balks at that. 

"Noodle arms? Here I am offering to keep you warm and you just insult me? You're mean, Bakkoush" Yousef admonishes. He's got a huge smile on his face that gives Sana the indication that he is not at all offended by her remarks. 

Yousef opens his arms wide and nods at her encouragingly. Sana bites on her lower lip thoughtfully then steps into his embrace before she thinks better of it. Once she's surrounded by his thick arms and solid chest, Sana doesn't know how she could ever have lived outside of these arms. These secure, wonderfully firm arms that hold her close to a sturdy chest where she presses her head to the steady thud of Yousef's heart, beating in his chest. 

Her hands fist his shirt as he tightens his arms around her, her head tucked under his chin. Sana can't help but burrow her face further into him, seeking more of his warmth and more of his scent that reminded her of belonging and home. Yousef's arms lace around her waist properly and Sana is willing to spend the rest of her life in this exact moment surrounded by him. 

She opens her mouth wanting to tell him that she- 

The shrill sound of Sana's ringing phone sends her crashing out of her Yousef induced haze. She takes a few steps back from him and searches hurriedly for her phone. When she locates it she immediately presses the green button. 

"Where are you Sana?" Mamma Bakkoush sounds infuriated. 

"I'm coming, Mamma. I just-" Sana starts to say but her mother carries on over her attempts to speak. 

"You said you'd be back by now. I was just going to send Elias to go looking for you. Why aren't you home?" Mamma Bakkoush demands. Sana can hear Elis' voice in the background asking if she needs him to come by. 

"Honestly I'm okay. I just met up with -" Sana looks up Yousef who is carding a hand through his hair. He tugs at the strands momentarily before he's shoved her beanie back on. "Vilde. We talked things out" Sana tells her. Mamma Bakkoush quietens at that. 

"You're making up?" 

"Yes, habibti. We're talking things through. I'll be on my way now" Sana says, her hand moving frantically when Yousef opens his mouth to speak with a confused expression on his face. 

"Okay. Dinner is almost ready. Tell her to join us" Mamma Bakkoush sounds a lot more joyful then she had been a few minutes ago. She'd always enjoyed when Sana brought her friends around so they could get a taste of her magnificent ooking. 

"Oh. Um-I'll ask her?" Sana looks to Yousef for help. He shrugs his shoulder and does some weird movement with his head. It really doesn't help. 

"Ask her now! So I can get a plate out for her" Sana's mother insists. She sounds so chipper that Sana feels awful for lying to her. 

"Vilde?" She gulps uneasily when Yousef smirks evilly. Now is not the time to be uncooperative. "Do you want to come over for dinner? So we can patch things up with some good food in us?" 

Yousef opens his treacherous mouth to speak. Sana winces. If he speaks then her mother will obviously hear a man's voice and not Vilde's soft yet highly annoying tone. 

"Oh you've got an appintment?" Sana glares at Yousef when he chortles. "You and your appointments , Vilde!" 

Acting has never been Sana's most refined skill but the disappointed sound that her mother makes has her massively relieved. 

"Sorry, Mamma. She says she can't make it today" Sana feigns her distraught voice. Yousef is covering his mouth to keep himself from laughing loudly. Sana has to admit she's thankful he's trying to keep his voice down instead of blowing her cover. 

"Oh. It's okay. Next time, inshallah. Alright you better hurry home then"

Sana bites at her lip thoughtfully. Yousef watches her with his reddened cheeks and nose, teeth chattering as he stands there. 

"Wait I think I see Yousef" Sana motions for him to start walking which he does. He follows Sana out of the court and onto the Main Street 

"He's walking to our house? Shall I tell him to come instead?" She asks. Sana speed walks down the street with her bag pack thumping on her back. Yousef jogs beside her. Sana tilts away from him so that he can't hear her mother's answer. 

Mamma Bakkoush hesitates for a second before she signs wearily. "Of course. Tell him he's welcome to join us" she pauses then and makes a sound as if she intends to say something else but catches herself. Sana hopes that's a good thing. 

"He's a good boy. Tell him he's always welcome" 

Sana beams at that. 

"Okay I let me go tell him. I'll be at home in a few minutes" she promises and ends the call before her mother can say anything else. Luckily for Sana the basketball court was a few minutes walk from her house so it wouldn't take too long to get home. A frantic Mamma Bakkoush can be very difficult to deal with sometimes. 

Yousef is staring at her in wonderment when she looks back at him. "What?" She asks. Hands hovering over her own face to make sure she hasn't got something on it. 

"You didn't have to do that" Yousef insists like she's offered him her first born or something. It's just dinner. 

"I didn't have to" Sana acknowledges and gives him a small smile as they approach the road to her house. "I wanted to". 

Nothing is back to normal. Not yet. There are still things that they need to discuss and things that need to be addressed. But in that moment Sana, huddled in Yousef's thick jacket with Yousef's thick peal of laughter tinkling in her ears, thinks everything is perfect.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck. I know I suck. Looool. 
> 
> I'm still v busy but I wanted to give you guys a long chapter to make up for it. Also this isn't edited so sorry if there's loads of errors. 
> 
> I'm not happy with this chapter. My aim was to keep it canon complaint while also being part of my creation too? But the confusing skam plot is making me second guess everything so I'm just gonna go ahead and take the good things from the canon and add them to my story. But overall YOUSANA will be end game. You won't take them away from me Julie. 
> 
> Anyways. Enjoy. Kudos and comments are highly appreciated.

"You're doing what?" 

Sana levels them with a look, lips pursed as she raises her eyebrow. 

"I hate repeating myself, Vilde. But I'll say it again just for you. I'm resigning as bus leader" Sana rolls her eyes when vilde scoffs before she puts her hands on her hips. Sana looks back at her questioningly. She really better not be testing Sana, today is not the day to be giving her attitude. 

"I heard you the first time" Vilde glares before pointing to Sana. "I just wanna know why you're acting this crazy. The bus means everything to us" Vilde and Sara are born glaring at Sana right now their previous momentary shock now morphed into anger. 

Sana stares between them for a second before smirking. "That sounds just about right. Am I not the psycho one? Gotta stick to my image" she reminds them. She can't help but feel smug when Sara's face loses all its colour. 

Vilde shakes her head. 

"You can't just do that, Sana. You really can't. We just spent so much time gathering our ideas and-"

"Oh yeah about those ideas" Sana interrupts Vilde with her palm raised up. Vilde narrows her brows at her and motions with her hand as if saying 'go on'. 

"You can't use my ideas. I'm not allowing you to. Those were creations from my own mind" Sana taps at her forehead with a finger before she grins. "I mean. My psycho mind. So you cannot use them. You have to use your own" she finishes with a sweet smile on her face as she tilts her head to the side to watch Vilde and Sara flounder. 

"You can't do that!" Sara yells. She has her hands balled up into fists by her sides as she approaches Sana with a fierce look on her face. Sana tries hard not to laugh at her, lips pressed together to keep the giggles in. 

"Why not? Wasn't I going to be kicked out anyway?" 

Sara backs up then. Her eyes widen when she furrows her brow, lips forming into a line. Sana smiles at her. She knows that Sana knows and is obviously scared that she will tell everyone about her plans. 

"What do you mean by that, Sana?" It's Vilde who is now speaking. She looks genuinely concerned but Sana has learnt not to trust anyone. After what she's overheard, it's difficult to have faith in these girls, it's difficult to find some common ground with them when they won't put some effort into putting faith in her. 

"I'm resigning. Before anyone can kick me out" Sana replies. She crosses her arms across her chest when she notices that Noora and Chris are standing there too. 

"Who was going to kick you out?" Noora is the one to speak this time, her hand reaching out to hold Sana's shoulder. Sana shakes her off. She's not ready to talk to her yet. She's also infuriated with Yousef still. 

Despite how well the dinner was and how he has apologised. Sana still wasn't convinced. She's not stupid. She understands that people mess up sometimes but what Yousef had done was so out of character and the excuse he had given doesn't feel like enough anymore. Sana is second guessing herself for him and that's not something she's never done for anyone else. 

"I want to resign" Sana reaffirms. She has to bite her lip when Noora looks down at her hand with a downward tilt to her head. "And I'm not taking no for an answer" 

Sara schools her features 

"Sana. You really can't do this. We need you in the bus. We're all your friends. I'm really sad that you feel like this but it's up to you" she assures. Sara bats her eyelashes at the others before she's plastering a smile on her face to appease them. Sana really isn't fooled. 

"I'm sure you'll be fine. As long as you don't take my ideas" Sana licks at her lips before she's turning around, giving them her back, hand fisting up her backpack strap. 

"If you're going then so am I" 

Sana squeezes her eyes shut. Why can't Noora just leave her alone. Just give her some space to be alone. To drown in all her sorrows like she wants to do. 

"What?!" Vilde screeches. 

Sana turns around slowly to look at Noora. The blonde girl is already looking at Sana with a hopeful look on her face. 

"If Sana goes, then I go" Noora nods in defiance when Vilde and Sara gawp at her. 

Sana shakes her head at her. She really can't be serious. Noora loves the bus, she wouldn't want to leave the bus willingly. 

"Noora. Stop this. You love the bus. Don't copy me, it won't make you cool or popular with these girls" Sana tells her. She's livid. It doesn't show on her poker face but she is reeling with the fury of her rage. Who does Noora think she is? Going around kissing her- Yousef and acting like a saint when she w-

"I don't love the bus as much as you do. I don't want to be on the bus without you" Noora smiles kindly. She puts her hand on Sana's shoulder again, wincing when Sana shifts to move her shoulder again. Sana stops herself. She allows Noora's hand to settle on her shoulder blade, Noora looks like a kid on Christmas morning at the mere allowance. 

"But Noora-"

"Listen. I only joined the bus for Sana. If she's going then there's no point in me staying. She was the only reason I was there in the first place" Noora acknowledges. Everyone is left in a stunned silence. Sana is the most shocked. She expected Noora to be flaunting her new endeavour with Yousef because she had finally got him. Finally. But she's not and she is genuinely trying her best to console Sana. Trying to make things right. 

"Come on. You two are important-"

"No ,Vilde! Just wait" Sara stops her abruptly. She gives Noora and Sana a sweet smile before linking her arm with Vilde's. "Let's not pressure them into doing something they don't want to. That's not fair on them" 

Sana tries to think about other things that don't involve throwing her smoothie all down the front of Sara's shirt. She is unsuccessful. 

"If Noora and Sana are going then so am I" Chris states. She moves so she's standing by Sana's left while Noora stands by Sana's right. 

"You can't just abandon us like this, guys. We're friends. We're upposed to be a team" Vilde points out. She looks frustrated with them but she won't say it to their faces. Vilde is not the type to say things to your face. 

Sana balks at that. Her veins tingle with the sheer rage she's feeling. Heartbeat pounding in her ears as she glares at her supposed friend. 

"We're supposed to be friends?!" She yells incredulously. 

Vilde nods slowly like Sana is stupid or something. Sara giggles. 

"Let me ask you a couple of questions? Aren't friends supposed to not talk behind each other's backs? Were we supposed to be friends when you called me psycho? Weren't you supposed to be my fucking friends when you were planning to kick me out of the bus?" Sana cat help but explode. They've pushed her so far that she can't withhold any more repressed rage. 

Sara looks visibly panicked. Her cheeks burn a reddish hue and her eyes cannot meet Sana's. Vilde looks slightly taken back at Sana's outburst before she sobers up to stare at Sana. 

"What are you talking about? No one would have kicked you out!" Vilde raised her voice further. Sana really doesn't appreciate that. 

"Yeah, Sana. No one wanted to kick you out" Sara agrees hurriedly before an evil look plasters itself on her face, morphing her normally pretty features into something morbidly ugly. "No need for psycho thoughts" she adds just to watch Sana's reaction. 

But Sana is way more intelligent. She's been goaded into fights her entire life, she's a Muslim girl growing up in a society that's not accepting of such beliefs. She's never given anyone the satisfaction of causing her to lose her temper. It's what they want. To blame her outburst on her religion. Sana knows better. 

She smiles briefly at Sara. 

"Right. So psycho. Anyway you cannot use my ideas" Sana tells her purposefully slowly. "You're gonna have to think of your own. I just hope you have enough brain cells between you lot to think of some" Sana smirks before she feels Noora link her arm around hers. She doesn't push her away this time and for that Noora looks delighted. 

"You're really pushing it, Sara" Noora reminds her. She's got an irritated look on her face as she stares Sara up and down like she's the most irrelevant thing she's ever seen. 

"Oh. I'm sorry? I didn't mean to offend you, Sana" Sara preens. Vilde puts her arm around Sara but her face has gone blank. She murmurs something to herself before straightening her spine and waving her hand dismissively. 

"Let them do what they want, Sara. We don't need them" Vilde scoffs at the three of them before she turns her back on them and walks away. Sara tilts her to the side to glare at them with an unimpressed glower on her face. 

"Yeah we dont need psycho traitors" Sara retorts before she flicks her hair back over her shoulder and saunters away. Sana takes a step forward to jump after her but Chris is already holding onto her 

"We don't need a bunch of snakes either!" Chris yells after her retreating form. Sara buckles at that and almost falls face first at that. Sana and Noora burst into uncontrollable fits of giggles at that. Sana's laughter dies down when Noora swayed nto her, hugging her lightly while Chris put her arms around them. 

"Honestly, guys. Don't leave the bus on my account. Vilde will probably love it if you rejoin" Sana mumbles into the crook of Noora's neck. Her voice is loud when she tells them this but both girls ignore her, in favour of squashing together for a tight embrace. 

 

***

Chris:   
Can you believe Noora is dating someone and we didn't know? 

Sana:   
Rlly? Talked to her today and she didn't mention anything. 

Chris:   
Yeah lol. Vilde said she saw her and Yousef kissing and they're hanging out in a coffee shop now. 

Sana:   
What?! Yousef. As in my brothers friend ? 

Chris:   
Yeah. Is there any other one? If so then please send him my way. As long as he looks like Yousef #1. Haha 

Sana:   
No there's no other Yousef 

Chris:  
What a shame. Haha. Anyway text her and see for yourself. 

Sana:   
But I talked to her today. She didn't say she was interested in anyone. She said she was gonna revise today...

Chris:   
Ok but she's literally sitting in a coffee shop with him now. 

Sana:   
Pics??

Chris:   
(Image sent) 

Chris:   
See she's touching his hair. Aren't they cute? 

Chris:   
Sana? You oaky, girl? 

Chris:   
I can see you're still online 

Chris:  
Stop reading my messages without replying. 

Chris:   
Okay now you're offline. 

Chris:   
Are you okay? <3 are you mad that she didn't tell u? She didn't tell me either I just saw them now 

Sana:  
I'm fine :) 

***

"I know you're mad at me" 

Sana looks up from her twiddling fingers and into Noora's piercing eyes. 

"I wanna know why" Noora demands and honestly Sana can't blame her. She's been acting distant without an explanation. It's not that she can easily say to her best friend that she distanced herself because she kissed the boy she likes. 

"I'm not" Sana mumbles. She knows it's a shit excuse but she hopes that Noora will accept it. "I'm only stressed out about the exam" 

"You've never ignored me over an exam" Noora points out. Okay so maybe she doesn't accept the excuse then. 

"I realised that I was wasting too much time on the bus. Wasn't giving enough time to my education" Sana tells her. It's kind of true, she's not revised as much as she had wanted to. 

Noora sighs as she stares out of the window. "You're so good. Honestly I've given up. Plus I've uh" Noora pauses and grins at the ground with a pink hue dusting her ivory cheeks. "Ive been distracted". 

Sana bites at her lower lip. Please don't be about him. Please. 

"Distracted by what?" Sana whispers. 

Please not him 

Please, anyone but him. Just please-

"It's still early days and everything and I haven't done anything since" 

Sana will throw up. She knows herself. She will. 

"Plus the bus was really a distraction from it. Like I didn't expect it to happen so suddenly you know? I've been waiting for ages for it to happen"

Anyone else. Please let it be anyone else. 

"What thing?" Sana asks but she feels like she already knows. 

Noora grins at her. "You mean you don't know? Silly me. I should've told you earlier" 

Sana has never before felt what it was like to have your heart fall right out of your chest and to break into a million pieces on the floor. In that moment she knows what a heartbreak feels like. Yousef had lied. He'd sworn up and down that he was sorry and that it meant nothing to him but here Noora is flaunting their new relationship. 

"It was so sudden! It was a while back but it was totally magical" Noora gushes. 

Sana falls back against the wall, the breath whooshing out of her chest as she watches her friend talk while the broken pieces of her heart collect dust on the floor. She can't believe Yousef would do this. 

The same Yousef that had promised that it meant nothing. That he didn't intended to do it. That he was just so fucking sorry. Sana wants to cry her eyes out, just to weep and yell but she's Sana Bakkoush. Feeling emotions is not her thing. So she gulps down every tear that threatens to fall, she gulps down her feelings and twists her lips into a small smile. 

"That's " what the fuck can she say? You can't have him because I wanted him first? Or I love him and you both betrayed me. "Great. So - great. You um. You always liked him didn't you?" 

Sana wishes the world would just open up and swallow her whole. She hates herself for wanting to wipe that smile of Noora's face. 

"You did say he was charming and a really nice guy. I'm. I'm so glad you found each other. That's so- great" Sana tries to inject as much enthusiasm as she can muster into her voice only she can't help but sound monotone. Sana bites down on her lower lip to hold the words she wishes she could be saying. 

"Wait. What?" Noora asks with a confused look on her face. 

"He's a nice guy" Sana whispers. 

"Who is?" Noora questions before she goes on. "I didn't know you already knew about it? I mean I told Chris but that's only because she saw me with it. I- oh!" Noora stops herself abruptly before her eyes widen and her mouth opens and closes as she flounders for words. Sana stares at her worriedly. 

"It's okay you didn't have to tell me. Is it true though?" Sana hurries to ask. 

Noora watches her for a solid minute. Mouth parted as she stares, she shakes her head and smiles, only her smile doesn't quite meet her eyes. 

"You're gonna have to be more specific" Noora finally says.   
Sana looks at her in bewilderment before she shakes her head. 

"Chris told me. You don't have to hide it from me because of him. He shouldn't have said all that if he didn't mean it "

Noora lifts her brow when Sana can't quite reach meet her gaze. 

"Who are we taking about now ?" 

Sana glares at her then. "You and Yousef " 

Noora raises her brows and holds her hands up. 

"Hold on a sec. I'm not talking about -" Noora starts to say. Only Sana stops her with a shake of her head which Noora sighs at. Sana wishes that Noora would just stop. It's getting too painful to ever think about Yousef right now. 

"Well, he said some stuff that he really shouldn't have. I don't know Yousef as well as you do. You know him a heck of a lot better than I do, trust me. But from what I've seen he's been an utter douche" Sana grumbles. Noora perks up at that. 

"What do you mean by that?" She asks. Noora packs away her books into her bag and reapplied her lipstick as Sana racks her mind to think of something. 

"You kissed him. So you should know him better than I do" 

Noora presses her lips together in a thin line. She looks at Sana for a moment before looking st her reflection in the compact mirror. 

"Seems like your mad that it wasn't you who kissed him" Noora points out. Sana is immediately enraged because Noora doesn't know how close to home she is with that suggestion. 

"Don't be silly. That's- that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard" Sana mutters. "Why would I want to kiss Yousef? That's gross"

Noora hums like she really believes Sana. 

"Not the worst of ideas, if you're asking me" Noora grins. There's something sad about her features that Sana can't quite pinpoint. 

"I wasn't asking. Spare me details of you slobbering over each other. I had a good meal and I'd like it to stay in my stomach" Sana mutters. 

"Come on, Sana. You can't be serious? Me and him aren't tog-"" Noora starts to say. She's looking at Sana quizzically like she can see right through her. 

"Chris told me about it. Don't worry. I'm not mad at you for not telling me. I talked to him a while ago but he didn't mention anything"

Sana hopes Noora can't see what's going on in her mind. 

"Maybe you should talk to him again or something? I feel like you won't listen to me if I told you myself" Noora suggests. She really doesn't want Sana to misunderstand Yousef's intentions. 

"Why? I have nothing to say to him". 

Noora sighs. She looks outside of the window with her palm pressed to the cool glass. "Please don't misunderstand Sana, I promise you he's not like that" she says. 

"Shall I tell him to talk to you?" Noora offers helpfully. Sana shakes her head so fast that it hurts her neck. 

"Nothing to say. I'm happy for you two"

Noora rolls her eyes. 

"It's not like that. Also you're too kind for you own good, Sana. Plus you don't listen at all"

Sana scoffs at that. She is most definitely not kind. Plus she is an excellent listener. 

"I'm really not. Plus I'm a good listener" 

Noora smirks. "You really are". She leans her head back on the wall and gives Sana a soft smile. "So kind. Could easily get someone to fall in love with you" 

Sana cackles at that. "Are you confessing your undying love for me or something? I'm flattered, girl" 

Noora giggles before waving her away. She gets a mischievous look on her face before she says "Maybe". 

Sana can't help but laugh at that. She doesn't blame Noora. Not really. She hadn't known about Sana's feelings for Yousef. She's never been overt in demanding for things she wants. She never made it obvious that she liked him to her. Also, Noora is not a mind reader. Sana doesn't expect her to be able to see her thoughts and stay away from Yousef. It's Yousef who overstepped, who crossed a boundary. 

***

Chris: hey 

Sana: hi

Chris: did u talk to Noora ?

Sana: yeah. 

Chris: she told you then ?

Sana: yeah. She did . She's with Yousef. 

Chris: they are sooooo cute. I'm glad she told you properly. I was with them just now and they were hugging and whispering. It's so gross 

Sana: you said they're cute 

Chris: grossly cute. 

Sana: good for her. Hope he doesn't treat her like shit. Like he's done to others. 

Chris: ?? Yousef's like that? 

Sana: um yeah 

Chris: doesn't seem like it to me. 

Sana: :) maybe he's gonna change his ways for her. 

 

***

 

Sana can't help but growl under her breath when the ball tips just outside of the net and bounces to the ground. She grabs it once again and lunges up to dunk it into the net, only the ball is stubborn and bounds out of her hands and hits the backboard sending itself hurtling behind her. Sana sighs wearily before she turns around. 

She stops short in her tracks when she sees him. Yousef stands there with a sly look on his face as he bends down to pick up the ball, not once breaking eye contact with Sana. The first thing that Sana can think about is how good he looks. It's terribly shallow of her but she can't deny it. He looks really good. 

"Can I have it?" She holds her hand out to the ball. 

Sana is in no mood to be playing around. She just wants to play basketball and be left to her thoughts. She's barely managed to escape Noora and Chris' constant questioning and would really love some time to herself. She doesn't need Yousef to come and mess things up further than they already are. 

Yousef smirks while throwing the ball to the air and catching it without looking away from Sana. He twists his lips together before he lowers his eyes then raises them to stare at her with a renewed intensity. "Come and get it" 

Sana is startled. He's never been this overt with her and it sends her spine tingling. She tries to mask her features with a cool demeanour, she can only hope that it seems believable. 

"Seriously. I'm not having any of this. Just pass it" Sana mumbles. She really doesn't want to deal with him right now. 

Yousef scoffs disbelievingly and tilts his head to the side, gaze focused on something on the right before he's looking back at Sana. "Seriously. I'm not having any of this. Just come get it".

If he wants to act like a kid then so will she. Sana pauses as if she's considering his words before she charges up to him. Yousef's eyes widen and he shuffled away from her quickly in the last second. Sana huffs when she twists around to glare at him. He's really getting on her nerves now. 

She watches as Yousef jumps up and dunks the ball in the net ever so gracefully. He picks up the ball and throws it into the air while turning around to look at her. The ball shifting hypnotically from side to side as he bounces it between his hands. 

"I'm not having this" Sana tells him. She really isn't. He's got another thing coming if he thinks Sana wants to be involved in this silly game. 

Yousef hums thoughtfully before he throws the ball in the air once more. He looks around before focusing his attention on Sana. "Okay. Then I'll take the ball and leave" he declares with an indifference to his tone. He fiddles with the ball and takes a few steps towards Sana, like he's about to leave. 

Sana frowns at him, arms crossed over her chest. "I mean it" she warns. 

Yousef raises his brows before he's bouncing the ball once more before he holds it in his hands as he walks closer. He smirks once he's a few steps closer to Sana. "Bye" he taunts. He takes another teasing step forward almost like he's goading her. Sana levels him with a look. She waits a beat of silence before she lunges to grab the ball out of his hands. But Yousef is too quick with his movements as he shuffles out of her way and throws the ball into the net with one hand.

He's already grabbing the ball before Sana can even reach him. Sana has to hold in the noise of frustration that's on the tip of her tongue, so that he doesn't notice his effect on her. She doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he gets under her skin. 

Sana tries to weave her way around him, her fingertips grazing the ball before Yousef lifts it above his head, making it impossible for her to even reach it. Still, Sana jumps up to grab it, her hand smoothing down Yousef's arm before she yanks it back. 

Yousef deviates the ball between each palm. Knocking it away when Sana tries to grab at it. She can feel his penetrating gaze on her but she doesn't dignify him with a returning look, merely tries to get her ball back. Yousef hurls the ball above her and watches it fall through the net before he's grabbing it and holding it high above his head again. Keeping it out of Sana's reach. 

Why can't he just leave her be? Why can't he just leave her alone? Sana's blood boils when she noticed his smirk, he knows he's irritating her. He just knows it. 

Sana grabs at the ball again only Yousef shifts it away. She collides with his back as he falls back onto his feet as the ball comes shooting into the hoop. The ball falls back into his hands. Yousef stares at her from over his shoulder, hand gripping the ball firmly now as he brings it to his front, out of Sana's reach.

Sana still goes for it, reaching around him with her arms on either side of him, caging him in. Only Yousef twists around in her arms and holds the ball high with a satisfied smile. 

He's far too close. Face inches away from Sana's as he grins down at her. Sana can't help the gasp that makes its way out of her parted lips as she looks up at him. Arms braced on either side of him while Yousef brings his arms around her neck with the ball behind her head.

Sana forgets to breathe. Yousef raises a brow with an amused smile as he steps closer. Sana ducks under his arm and takes a tentative step backwards. She's not ready to be this close to him, not with the way his chest is heaving or the slight smug look on his face. 

Yousef lets out a breath of laughter before he swivels around and throws the ball into the net once more. Sana dashes over to stand under the net and grabs a hold of the ball just as Yousef reaches out to grab it. She has a momentary lapse in her concentration while celebrating that she had beaten him to it and clutches the ball in her hands. 

Sana brings the ball back to the middle of the yard with Yousef standing a few feet away from her and in front of the net, arms widened to knock away her attempt. Sana narrows her eyes at him before she jumps up to throw the ball into the net only it doesn't quite reach it but Yousef taps it in with a blank look on his face. 

He grabs the ball once more, dribbling it with one hand as Sana tries to snack it out of his hand. Only he's much too tall and he blocks every one of her advances with his arm, he's got great footwork too. Too nimble for his own good as he skids to the right before making a drastic turn to the left and throwing the ball into the hoop with minimal effort. 

Sana runs to grab the ball only Yousef is already there and he's blocking Sana's attempts at retrieving the ball with his broad back. Sana skids around him, arms outstretched above her head as she tries to block him from getting the ball to the net. Yousef has his back to the net when he throws the ball with one hand and it floats easily into the net without him even looking.

Sana tries to act unimpressed. Only he's gotten much better at basketball and that was a very impressive move. She pants as she runs to the ball once more. Yousef dashing to get it before her. Sana has her hands already outstretched to take the ball from him, it's a valiant attempt of trying to regain some control over the game. Yousef lets her take the ball with a quiet laugh. 

Sana has to press her lips together to hold her own smile back. She doesn't want him to see his impact on her, she hopes she can blame the pink hue to her cheeks on the extortion of the effort in playing basketball. Not because of Yousef being this close to her or the fleeting touches they share. 

Sana dribbles the ball past Yousef, twisting around to block his hand when it reaches out to tap the ball away. She swivels back around and jumps, allowing all her strength to send the ball shooting to the net. Yousef's arm snakes around her waist as he tries to hold her back from jumping. Only he's far too late and the arm that is both heavy and light around her is unnecessary. 

A warm buzz ignites itself around Sana's bones and into her bloodstream. She feels almost induced under his small smiles and infuriating touches. Yousef lets her go with a gentle squeeze to her side that absolutely should not make Sana's face break into a infatuated smile. It does. She's grinning so wide that her cheeks hurt. 

Yousef gets a hold of the ball, lazily throwing it into the air then catching it. Sana watches him with a small smile as she tries to regain her breath. Yousef looks away from her with a shake to his head but then he's grinning so wide, nose scrunching in his effort to control his grin. Sana lets out a small laugh at that. 

Yousef is looking at her with this bright twinkle in his eye and the softest smile she's ever seen grace his face. Sana wishes she could lose herself in his smile and laughter, in him, but she can't forget what Noora said. 

She sobers up. Lets her smile fade as she stumbles over to him. 

"I said give it back. So please just give it" 

Yousef furrows his brows and hides the ball behind him. "I said come get it. So please come get it" he echoes. Sana frowns. Why must he act like a child. Why must Sana have to ask people to leave her alone? Can't she just have a moment to think without people hovering over her or asking her if she's okay. She's fine. She's always fucking fine. 

"Yousef" she warns. 

Yousef shrugs languidly while looking off onto the side before he's staring at her. "Sana" he imitates. 

Sana clenches her hands into firsts by her sides as she glares at him in determination. Sana comes over to him until her nose is almost brushing his. Yousef watches her with wide eyes and an agape mouth. 

"You better listen and listen close, Acar." Sana pokes him in the chest to prove her point. She's not messing around anymore. "I'm done with your shit. I'm not a toy that you can string along whenever you feel like it. You can't go around-" Sana stops her heated rant with a downward tilt to her head. Trying to regain her focus. Yousef looks absolutely winded. He looks like he hasn't quiet grasped his breath back. Sana has to heave in her own breath to continue. 

"- go around telling me all these nice things. Making me feel like you do have feelings for me. That I'm not making stuff up. And then you go around to Noora and chat with her. Hang around with her. Have everyone think you're dating. I don't care if you are but you better stop stringing me along. I hate it" Sana fumes. She feels so enraged. Both at herself and at Yousef. 

She shouldn't have given him the chance to work his way under her skin and get to know her in a way that nobody else did. He shouldn't be saying and doing things that make her feel things that she can't explain, when he has no interest in her. That's just not fucking fair. 

Yousef gawps at her. He flounders to find words only he's unsuccessful. So Sana goes on. This might be the last time she's willing to talk to him if he's going to keep acting like this. 

"Listen. You have to make a decision. I'm not the easiest to deal with, I get that." Sana acknowledges. She knows she can be difficult sometimes but damnnit so is Yousef. "I won't be able to give you everything you need, not like other Norwegian girls can. I will be sarcastic and moody and I will pray and fast and talk about my religion and I always have hope because it's who I am. I can only be myself. So if that's not enough then please. Pleas go to her. Just tell me once and for all that I was stupid and naive to see anything happening with us" 

Yousef has a puzzled look on his face. He lets out a whooshed breath before he's opening his mouth. 

"Hold on a sec, what are you even saying Sana? I thought I made it pretty clear that I do like you. From last time". The ball falls from his hands and rolls away sardonically. Sana watches it go. She could easily run to it, grab it and leave him here but she thinks better of it. Sana really needs to figure things out with Yousef before she can choose what to do next. 

"Why does everyone say you're dating Noora?" She demands. 

Yousef glares at her. "Why are you listening to what everyone else is saying when you should be asking me? If the matter was so important to you" Yousef retorts. 

"She seems to think you are. I don't like boys who play multiple girls at a time, Yousef!" Sana hisses. 

Yousef balks at that. "I'm not doing any of that! I've only talked to her three times in the last few weeks. Two of those times I was asking about you because you still have me blocked so I have no other way of finding out" he snaps. 

Sana scoffs. Yeah right. "So the only person in this whole world that you could've asked about me, is Noora? The same girl you kissed?" 

"She's your best friend! Of course I'm going to ask her about you?!" He exclaims with a hand gesturing wildly between them. Sana can't help but let out a bitter laugh at that. 

"Oh so you do remember that she's my best friend? Where was that fucking knowledge when you were kissing her?!" She yells. 

Yousef has the nerve to look hurt. He takes a stammering breath before he stumbles away from her. 

"I apologised before, Sana. I'll say it again. I'm so sorry for kissing her. I thought we figured this out last time?" He questions. 

Sana shakes her head. "You couldn't have asked me how I was? Instead of going to her?" She can't help but shout. It's unfair that she's taking out her anger on him but it's just. Sana is so tired of being played like this. For all the bravado and icy glares she has, she's still a human being and things like this fucking hurt, okay? 

Yousef stares at her as if she's lost her mind. "That's not fair, Sana. You have me blocked on everything. How am I supposed to ask you?" He asks. It's a good point that Sana hasn't thought about. 

"You could've tried" Sana tells him as she crosses her arms against her chest. She refuses to look at him when he's being so-. Sana doesn't know the word for it but he is that. He's so that. 

Yousef grips her arms gently, fingertips pressing in a little. He looks like he wants to shake some sense into her. "Sana. Don't make me go crazy here. You blocked me. Even my second number you blocked. How was I supposed to ask you?" His tone is desperate now. 

Sana glares up at him. "Okay. Maybe you couldn't have asked me but why didn't you ask Elias?" 

Yousef lets out a noise of frustration. "You look way too fucking good when you're angry" he mutters. Sana's heart stops beating in her chest at that. Her arms go limp by her sides as she looks up at him, bottom lip caught between her teeth. "I can't ask Elias because then he'd know that I liked you and maybe he wouldn't approve that. I didn't want him to be mad at me for making moves on his little sister. It's guy code but obviously I messed up" Yousef explains. 

"So it's a mess up to like me?" Sana barks at him. Honestly this guy can never say things well. He's got to be offensive somehow. 

"Sana. Stop it" Yousef warns. He's got a strange look about him that sends a thrill all the way down to Sana's toes. 

"Stop what? Saying the truth? Pointing out that what you're saying is acc-"

Sana freezes when she feels delicate lips against her own. Her hands grasp at the air around her helplessly as Yousef brings his trembling hands to cage her face, his grip on her cheeks is ever so gentle. It's a soft brush of his lips, barely there but it's enough to have Sana stunned into silence. Yousef presses his lips a little more firmly against Sana's, thumb brushing over her cheek while the other thumb tugs at her jutting lower lip. 

Sana squeezes her eyes shut but parts her lips open for him, hands squeezing at the air on either side of his biceps. Wanting to grip onto him but she's not sure if she's allowed. Yousef lets out a satisfied grunt that has Sana's toes curling, before he's kissing her properly, mouth moving a little fiercely over Sana's parted lips. His hands slip away from her face, glide down her arms before he's gripping her waist. 

Sana sags against him completely lost on his lips. Yousef holds her up against him, tilting his head so he can angle the kiss properly, he presses his lips to hers before he's pulling back. He rests his forehead against Sana's with a huge grin when she makes an annoyed sound at him moving away. 

Sana blinks her eyes open slowly. Her breath gets caught in her throat when her eyes catch his as soon as they're open. "Wow" Sana gasps. Yousef grins at her. "Do that again and I'll punch you in the face" Sana threatens him. Except there's not heat to her words and she's got her hands fisted in the material of his shirt. 

Yousef chuckles at that. His breath fanning over her tingling lips. She wishes she could press her fingertips to them but Yousef would never let her live it down. "Why's that? What if I wanna kiss you again and again?" He asks. 

"That's exactly it. If you do that again then I won't want you to stop. I won't ever let you stop doing that" Sana mumbles, her lips brushing against his when she speaks. Yousef dives in to kiss her again only his lips land on the corner of her mouth. Sana can't help the smile that works its way over her twitching lips. 

"I don't wanna stop" Yousef assures with both his hands now cupping Sana's cheeks. She takes a moment to collect herself, tongue licking over lips to quell their tingling. Sana moves away from him when she regains her concentration. It takes her longer than necessary but she manages to regain some control. Yousef makes grabby hands at her but Sana is already stepping away from him. 

"You need to explain" Sana reminds him. 

Yousef sighs and motions for her to come and sit with him. Sana follows him until they're perched onto a nearby broken brick wall. Yousef picks at a few daffodils growing there, he holds one up to Sana with a small smile. She accepts it, fingers ghosting over his when she takes them. 

"I met up with her a few days ago in some cafe. I saw a couple of her friends there so maybe that's why they thought we were on a date. We weren't. I was just there to ask about you and I wanted to explain myself. She deserved to know that I wasn't thinking straight and that the kiss meant nothing" Yousef starts. Sana nods along, fingers twisting around the flower with a sigh. 

Yousef watches her with avid interest. "She uh. She seemed like she already had a feeling that I wasn't interested. Which I was glad about. I didn't want to string her along. I only really have feelings for you" 

Sana has to bite down on her lower lip hard to stop herself from saying something embarrassingly cringey to that. 

"She understood that I didn't mean anything by kissing her. She even said herself that she was the one who initiated it. But don't get it wrong" Yousef pauses to take his cap off to tug at his loose fringe. "I did kiss her back. I'm not innocent. But it literally was just a distraction. That's it. I can't even remember it myself" Yousef admits. He puts his cap back on 

"I told her that I was sorry and that she deserved someone who could give her what she needed and I'm not that person. She seemed understanding and everything but if you want me to make her tell you exactly what happened then, I will" Yousef offers. 

Sana shakes her head. That's not necessary. She believes him. She's always believed him but insecurity is such an ugly thing when it rears its head. 

"We finished our coffees. I paid for them and we hugged when we left. That's all that happened. I haven't seen her since" Yousef finishes. He's got a weary look on his face as he scuffs his shoes onto the bricks. "If someone's told you otherwise then they're lying. I can show you my phone. It's all the messages we exchanged" Yousef is already pulling out his phone before Sana can even open her mouth to object. 

"That's not necessary, Yousef. I believe y-"

"Look. Please " 

Sana looks down at the phone. 

Noora: hey you <3 

Yousef; hi

Noora: what's up ? 

Yousef : nothing much. You? 

Noora: just hanging out with Sana and Chris 

Yousef: Sana is there ? 

Noora: yeah ...

Yousef: is she okay?

Noora: ? Um yeah? She's fine. Why?

Yousef: no reason. She's just not answering her phone 

Noora: oh shall I tell her that you're calling her? 

Yousef: no. That's okay. Just wanted to know if she's okay. Got a bit worried. I'll talk to her later 

Noora: ok. So how are you ?

Yousef : could be better. You ? 

Noora: well not that great if you're not completely good. 

Yousef: plz don't. I told you 

Noora: Yousefffffff i'm kidding. I'm great. 

Yousef: you are. 

Noora: lets meet up for coffee 

Yousef: ok 

Noora: we can talk about what happened properly 

Yousef: yeah. But after that lets not bring it up. It's not because of you tho. I was just being a total douche that day. Wasn't thinking. I upset someone who meant a lot to me 

Noora: oh no. You have a gf?

Yousef: no I don't 

Noora: that's good. I'd feel terrible if I was the one you cheated with 

Yousef: yeah. No gf. I'll text you the address of the coffee shop. Ok? 

Noora: okay babe   
Noora : okay Yousef. 

Yousef: thank you 

 

"There's a few more from before. But they're the same gist as this" Yousef continues. Sana nods in understanding. She doesn't need to see those other messages. She gets it. 

Ultimately she feels stupid. 

She's misunderstood everything. Yousef's intentions. Noora's behaviour. Everything. She screws her eyes shut in embarrassment. How could she have gotten things so wrong? How could she have gotten him so wrong?

Sana ducks her head in shame. 

"Sorry"

Yousef gasps. "What was that? Didn't hear you" he taunts but he looks evidently thrilled. Sana rolls her eyes at him but keeps her head down. Eyes on the flower in her hands. 

"Shut up, you heard me" Sana mutters while shoving him gently. She gulps uneasily, fingers tracing over the daffodils. "I'm really sorry for accusing you. I- I don't know what's going on with me anymore" 

Yousef smiles softly. He shifts a little closer to her and nudges her shoulder with his playfully.   
"You wanna tell me what's going on, hm? I can tell you've been stressed" Yousef asks. He's silent for a moment before he lets out a breath of laughter. "Aside from me related stress" he remarks. 

Sana scoffs at him. "You're not stress" 

Yousef smiles crookedly at that. "You don't think I'm stress? I'm flattered" he teases. Sana groans at how lame he is. 

"You're turning into stress now" she warns. Yousef laughs then while very embarrassingly stretching his arms over his head to let it fall on Sana's shoulders. She raises a brow at him for that, shaking her head in disbelief at this insanely dorky boy. Yousef ducks his head shyly then. Lashes fluttering over his cheek that are tinted pink. Sana might scream if he keeps looking this cute. 

She allows herself to melt against his side, nestling her head onto his shoulder with a sign. "A few friends of mine saw you at the party when you kissed. Then they saw you at the coffee shop. That's why everyone thinks you're dating her" Sana murmurs. Yousef hums thoughtfully to that but doesn't say anything, allows her to keep going. 

"I heard the boys talking about it too. This morning" Sana adds distractedly, she splays her fingers over his jean clad knee before she thinks better of it and moves her hand away. Yousef tuts her but doesn't say anything. 

"So. I just- I don't know- I just wasn't thinking straight. Everything is so messed up. I resigned from the bus, the mock exam, Elias' fight. Just everything is messed up" Sana confides, it doesn't feel like he's judging her. Not like she expected him to. 

Yousef hugs her to him tighter. "I'm sorry for making things more difficult. I put you in a very shitty situation when I should be trying to make things a little easier". 

Sana shakes her head. It's not his fault. It's just incredibly bad timing. Everything has boiled down to this one point where Sana is on the cusp of falling overboard and Youse and Noora's thing was what caused the inevitable fall. It's just too many things for one person to handle. 

Sana hurriedly says alhamdulallah because life could be much worse. She knows people in the world are suffering and her problems would seem rather petty to them but it's just. Sana is still young. She's still new to experiences. She just wants to be normal. She's not felt normal in such a long time. 

"It wasn't your all your fault. I just -"

"Sana?"

Sana jumps up at the sound of Elias' voice. She takes a few steps away from Yousef before she turns around to look at her brother. Elias who is fuming. Nostrils flaring as his hands turn into fists by his side. "Get away from her, Yousef"

Yousef does as he's told. He's got his hands held up in defence. "Elias. It's not what you think, bro" he assures. 

Elias marches over to them, shoulders rigid as he glares at Yousef, not once blinking as he approaches them. Sana gulps uneasily when he grabs the front of Yousef's shirt. 

"Elias! Elias please stop" 

"Sana. Go away from here. I just wanna talk to him" Elias booms. Yousef flinches at the sound of his voice but he doesn't look afraid. 

"Elias. You don't want to do this. He's your friend. Let him explain" Sana coaxes. She's got a hand resting reassuringly on her brother's stiff shoulder. 

"Explain what? That he strung you along and is dating your best friend?!" Elias bellows, his hand fists up Yousef's shirt further. 

"No! Elias-"

"I honestly expected better from you, Sana. He treated you like shit!" Elias shouts before he's jostling Yousef and pinning him against the wall. "And now you're defending him? After all he's done? He played you" Elias adds menacingly. Sana wilts at that. It's partially her fault that Elias has these wrong assumptions about Yousef and she honestly feels sick with guilt. 

"Elias. He's not like that" Sana pleads. 

Yousef remains quiet. Eyes focused on Sana the entire time. It does very little to stop the pounding of her heart when he does that. 

"Oh. I know what he's like. Is it fun to play two girls at a time? You were my fucking best friend! I trusted you with my sister" Elias roars. He's lifting Yousef off the floor by the collar of his shirt. Yousef just looks at him with sad eyes. 

"Elias. Please don't do this. He's not playing me. He lik-"

Eli's laughs hysterically at that. 

"You think he likes you? Sana, he's just playing with you. He was acting all along just so he can have two girls on the side. Who knows if there are others?" Elias is seething. He's so angry that he's upset. Sana can see it in his eyes when they glare at her, the sheen of tears that leave his eyes glistening. 

It hits her then. He feels guilty. He feels horribly guilty because he had allowed them to talk and get to know each other. He had encouraged Sana with her infatuation with Yousef. 

"Elias. He does-"

"He doesn't. He doesn't like you Sana. You don't treat people you like, like this. I'm sorry but he does not lik-"

"I love her"


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys. Been really ill as well as doing exams so this is very late. Hope you enjoy it !

"I love her". 

Sana and Elias both turn to stare at Yousef in shock. Elias' grip around Yousef's collar loosens as he takes a staggering step back, eyes wide as he stares at his friend. Sana is equally shocked. Her lips part to say something, anything but her thoughts are jumbled into one frenzied knot of Yousef repeating those words. 

"What?!" Elias and Sana exclaim at the same time. 

Yousef stares down at his feet. A bashful smile makes its way into his lips as he scuffs his shoes against he wall. 

"You guys heard me the first time" he mumbles, the loose hairs of his fringe fall across his eyes and Sana almost passes out at the sheer amount of adoration she feels for this boy. She's still floundering for words, opening and closing her mouth like a fish struggling out of water. 

"What the fuck, Yousef?!" Elias shakes his head dazedly like he can't quite believe what just happened. "Say wallah!" Elias demands, his eyes wide as they take in Yousef like he's seeing him for the first time. 

Yousef snorts disbelievingly at him. "That doesn't apply to me, man" he reminds Elias. Sana cant quite make her mouth form words at the moment, her head buzzing with a thousand thoughts a minute. "But I do love her" 

Elias bounds over to his friend, just seconds away from throwing himself at him before he stops himself. 

"Hang on. I thought you were dating Noora" Elias recalls with a frown. He doesn't look like he believes Yousef just yet. "How can you love Sana but be in a relationship with Noora?"

"I'm not with her. She'll even tell you herself if you want. It was just s stupid thing that happened between us but we were never dating" Yousef informs him with a sad tilt to his lips, eyes a litre sorrowful when he looks at Sana. 

"This is like mind fuck, bro. Shit! You should've told me. Everyone thinks you're dating her" Elias exclaims with a hand placed on Yousef's shoulder. "Even the other boys were saying that you were with her" he adds thoughtfully. 

Yousef shrugs nervously. "I never was with her. I did want to tell you. I really did" Yousef mumbles. Elias has to get closer to him to hear what he's saying. 

"Why didn't you?" Elias persists with his hands on his hips, there's a mischievous glint in his eyes when he's looking at Yousef. "What could be so bad that you wouldn't tell your best friend?" 

"I messed up and I was trying to make things right with Sana. She gets first priority, bro" Yousef grins mervously with a hand tugging at his loose fringe. "I'm still making up for my mistake though. So you do have a right to be mad at me". 

Elias crosses his arms over his chest almost like he's waiting for Yousef to continue. Sana just watches them bicker, she's still not sure if she's passed out and this is her imagination, or that this is real life. Yousef loves her? Out of all the things he could've said, that was the one thing he thought was most important? Sana has to heave in huge gulps of air just to settle the raging of her heartbeat. 

Yousef Acar loves her? The boy that she's been infatuated with all this time, loves her? Sana just doesn't quite know what to do with that knowledge yet so she stores it close to her heart and takes a step forward so that she's beside them. 

"How did you mess up? What did you do now? Is that why she was crying?!" Elias grows a little more frustrated when Yousef looks up at him in shock when he mentions Sana crying. 

"It was something stupid. He didn't know I liked him and he was kissed by Noora-" Sana finally opens her mouth to say, she can't quite believe that moments ago she was yelling at Yousef for the very same thing she's defending him of tight now. 

"I did kiss her back but I was so fucking confused, bro. I swear it meant nothing. We were both to blame and Sana deserves better" Yousef interrupts her to say. He puts s steadying hand on Elias' stiff shoulder. "I swear I wouldn't ever look at a girl if I knew Sana liked me" he insists with a hand reaching out to bring her closer to them only he stops just short of brushing his fingers over her wrist. He drops his hand and waits for Sana to come closer herself. He's always very respectful of her boundaries. Never overstepping with his touches. 

Elias frowns. "You kissed her best friend" he points out. 

Yousef nods mournfully. Sana almost wants him to lie, to say nothing happened and just forget everything but Yousef's not like that. "You know me, Elias. You know how much I liked Sana. You and the boys made fun of me all the time" Yousef reminds him with both his hands now on Elias' rigid shoulders. 

"I didn't know if Sana liked me. Most of the time I felt like she hated me" Yousef turns so he's looking at Sana with huge pleading eyes. "But I always hoped that I still had a chance. I always believed because I swear bro, me and her are soulmates" he admits with a ghost of a smile hovering over his twitching lips. 

"I was giving him mixed signals. I'm to blame too" Sana pipes in. He's not going to take all the blame just like that.

"You aren't to blame. I messed up" Yousef insists with s furrow to his brows when he looks at her. Sana glares back in defiance. 

"You didn't know. How could you have known when I blocked you?" Sana persists. There's a niggling part of her mind that wants to forget about all of this and go back to Yousef saying those the words to her over and over again. 

"Will you stop making excuses for me? I messed up!" Yousef glowers with his hands now by his sides. 

Sana crosses her arms over her chest and glares at him pointedly. "We both did. So stop blaming yourself, Acar" she hisses. 

Yousef throws his hands in the air and turns to glare at Elias. "Can you please tell your sister to let me take the fall for my mistakes?" 

Sana tugs at Elias' arm so that he's facing her. "And can you tell your friend to stop making excuses for me because I messed up as well" she snaps as they both turn to scowl at each other. 

There's a moment of silence where they're both fuming at each other but it's broken by Elias' guffawing. 

"You two are fucking ridiculous" he sniggers. "The absolute worst" 

"I swear, Elias. I swear I do love her and I never meant to hurt her in any way and you've got every right to be mad at me. I'm mad at me. But I just wasn't-"

"Bro. Chill out. I know you. Yousef, I know you" Elias soothes with a placating hand on Yousef's cheek. "Look" he starts and gives them born a stern look. "You two both messed up but now you can fix it. I just want you guys to be happy. S' all I want" Elias tells them. 

Sana smiles at him. "I am" she promises. "I want to get the chance to be happy with him"

Yousef is grinning now. "Me too". 

Elias rolls his eyes. "You two are the worst" he teases with his arm going back to bring Sana closer to them. She stumbles forward so that she's pulled into their tight embrace, Elias' arm around her shoulders and Yousef's arm wrapped around her waist. 

"My best friend and my sister" Elias says with a disgusted scowl. "If I see you two being all fucking lovey dovey, I will fight both of you" he warns but his hand grips onto Sana a little tighter. 

"Elias" Sana starts with a sweet smile on her face, she waits until Elias looks at her questioningly. "Don't act like you don't get beat up by everyone. You have no chance" Sana tells him. Elias groans when Yousef chuckles at that. 

"It was one time and you cheated!" Elias denies. He still has a furrow to his brows but he's smiling. He's smiling so big that Sana can't help but grin up at him too. 

There's a voice calling for them from the house which disrupts their laughter. Elias looks over his shoulder before he turns back to them. 

"Mamma told me to come get you for iftar, Sana" Elias says hurriedly like he'd totally forgotten. "She said you should stay as well, Yousef. But you're not allowed to if you're just gonna be staring at my loser sister" Elias warns. 

"Elias. Shut up" they both say at the same time. They both burst into giggles then when Elias frowns at them. He rolls his eyes and points to the door with a thick brow raised at Sana. 

Sana nods, she's about to make her way inside when Yousef stops her. Sana turns around to look at him questioningly, praying that her parents weren't watching them from the window or something. 

Yousef seems to know what she's thinking so he drops his hand and gives her a small smile. "I'll talk to you later, okay?" 

Sana presses her lips together while she looks at him, trying to hold back her grim. She fails horribly when Yousef raises a brow at her and winks. The corners of her lips twitch upwards on their own accord, nose scrunching when she tries to contain her smile. Yousef looks over the moon when the soft tinkle of her laughter echoes in the yard. 

"Oh fuck off the both of you. I don't need this, romantic looking into each other's eyes shit" Elias hisses but his tone had no heat to it. He's got a euphoric smile plastered all over his face. Sana can't help but tease him back. 

"You're fasting. Stop swearing" she scolds him with a flick to his forehead. He howls in pain and looks at Yousef for support, the same Yousef who merely shrugs while stepping closer to Sana. Almost like he doesn't want her to go. 

Elias grumbles under his breath while he goes to grab the ball that they'd been playing with, as soon as his back is turned, Sana sidles up to Yousef who nods at her encouragingly when he notices that she's coming closer to him. 

"There's a cafe that's not too far from here" Sana starts. She has to stop herself from stuttering over her words with the way he's looking at her. "I'll text you the details". 

Yousef ultimately looks delighted. His face breaks out into one ecstatic smile that causes butterflies to flutter erratically in her stomach. "Yeah?" 

Sana nods with her lips pressed together as she arches her brows at him. She's trying her hardest not to smile, not to give away exactly how he makes her feel. Yousef hums appreciatively before he's stepping closer. 

"Are you asking me out on a date?" He asks with one arm going around Sana's back to pull her a little closer. Sana steps away from him to look over her shoulder where Elias is still looking for the ball. 

"Nope. Definitely not a date" Sana denies, it's not. It's definitely not a date. Sana doesn't do dates. 

"Oh? I - I thought we were gonna be- um. Oh okay then" Yousef stutters. His hands hover frantically over her before he brings them to his knees where he wipes his palms. Sana immediately sobers up at his nervousness. 

"No. Wait- Yousef. I'm just joking, I didn't mean to-"

"I know" Yousef interrupts with a sly grin. Eyes squinting in the sunlight, crooked smile still so bright. Sana can't quite catch her breath from the gloriousness of his smile. 

Sana groans at him, hand pushing at his sturdy chest. "I hate you" she grumbles when he laughs loudly. 

"I love you" Yousef says solemnly. He smirks when it leaves Sana's mouth agape. She really doesn't know if she can say it back to him just yet. She needs some time alone to think everything through, to actually grasp the fact that this boy loves her, that she wasn't imagining things. That this is her reality. 

Yousef seems to sense her panic as he pokes her cheek softly. "You don't have to say it back, Sana. We have plenty of time for that" he reminds her with kind eyes. Sana nods, albeit a little guiltily because she wishes she could say it back but she really wants to be sure. She's never used those words for anyone apart from her family and it's a frightening thought that in this short amount of time, she feels such a strong attachment to this boy.

"I have to go" she points to the door where she can hear her mother calling from the living room. Yousef nods encouragingly. He traces a finger down the slope of her delicate nose, all the way down to her lower lip, his eyes entranced with the way it juts out. 

"Go then" he smirks. Sana glares at him, feeling momentarily immobile because of his gentle fleeting touches and intense stares. 

"I'm going. I'm going" Sana holds her hands up in defence. If he wants her to go so badly then she will. She's just about to step away when an arm obstructs her movements and a soft pair of lips are pressed to her cheek. Yousef lets his lips rest there for a moment before he's pulling back. 

"You can go now" he drawls. Sana frowns at him before she looks at the ground to hide her smile. 

"I swear you're like a 12 year old kid sometimes" she grumbles as she makes her way to the door. Her cheeks heat when Yousef lets out a chuckle at that and then he's mumbling something to himself. She's stepping into the house when she hears Elias' booming voice. 

"So, soulmates then, lover boy?"

Yousef's laughter is cut short and Sana buckles on her way inside. 

***

Sana prays that Iftar goes by well, everything is good so far, aside from Yousef's heart eyes and lingering smiles, everything else goes smoothly. No one notices that Sana is grinning bashfully at her plate or that Yousef is is sinking in his seat a little so that he can brush his foot over Sana's. 

The first time it happens, he's successful. Socked foot nudging Sana's when she laughs at something Elias says. Sana looks up at him from under her lashes, teeth pressing at her lower lip when he takes a sip of water. Admittedly she takes pride in the fact that he almost chokes when he looks at her and has to have Elias thump him on the back multiple times as he tries to hide his reddened cheeks. 

The second time it happens it's not Sana who feels it. 

"Elias. Please keep your feet to yourself" Mama Bakkoush says while settling into her chair. She's raising a stern brow at Elias who looks up at her with a dazed look on his face while he bites at a samosa enthusiastically. 

"What?" He mumbles. 

"Keep your feet to yourself, habibi" she says again. Sana turns to her mother questioningly before her eyes settle on Elias. It's not possible that he wanted to alert their mother onto what Sana and Yousef are doing. She sits up in her seat and brings her plate closer to her chest. 

"My feet aren't near you" Elias answers. He's got s really puzzled look on his face. Sana turns to look at Yousef whose suddenly gone red. Shovelling spoonfuls of food into his mouth without meeting anyone's eyes. 

"It was you, Elias. You kicked me a minute ago" Sana hurries to say. She takes a sip of water to aid her suddenly dry throat, without looking at Yousef whose shaking legs are jostling the table. Elias glares at Sana, his mouth open to deny her accusation but her pleading eyes ensure that he relents. 

"Sorry. I'll keep my feet to myself" he assures and steals a samosa out of Sana's plate. She doesn't say anything because he deserves it after taking the bullet for Yousef's wondering toes. 

Mama Bakkoush nods encouragingly before she heaps another spoonful of rice onto Yousef's plate. "Eat up, Yousef". 

Elias pushes his empty plate forward then with a sly smile. "Me too. I'm a growing boy, need all the good food". 

Mama Bakkoush rolls her eyes but fills up Elias' plate until its brimming with steaming rice and savoury chicken. She also placed a few samosas on his plate, hand reaching out to place some salad on his plate which Elias shakes his head at. 

"Nah. That's not the good food" he dismisses while picking up his spoon and digging into his heaving plateful. 

Sana can't help but laugh at him, he's easily still a kid no matter how old he gets. He's just got such a young soul. 

"So" Elias starts while ripping a pitta in half and stuffing it with a kebab. He turns to look at his parents. "When you guys met, did it feel like you were, I don't know, soulmates?" He asks and then takes a huge bite of his bread. 

Sana had been chugging down the remaining water in her glass when she heard that. She chokes mid way through gulping, hand thumping at her chest to stop her wheezing chest. Mama Bakkoush pats her gently on the back and pours her another glass of water. Sana glares at Elias, her hands clenched to fists under the table. Yousef looks like a deer caught in headlights, his Adam's apple bobbing uneasily when he gulps. 

"Why the sudden question?" It's Sana's father this time that speaks up. He looks at Elias with a excited glimmer in his eyes. "You met someone?" 

Mama Bakkoush sits up then. She claps her hands together happily. "Have you really met someone?" She asks enthusiastically. 

Sana bites at the inside of her cheek to keep from jumping over the table and strangling Elias. 

"Lets just say that if I was to ever find someone. How do I know they're my soulmate?" He clarifies. Sana knows her brother well, if he liked someone the whole world would've found out. He's never been shy about showing his affection for people he liked. 

"Well. I guess you have to be realistic. Soul mates aren't always going to make everything better but they will make the worst of times more manageable" Sana's father offers sagely with his fork lifted into the air. His eyes glaze over like he's remembering something before he's smiling at Sana's mother. "I always thought that you were the one for me. On the worst of days just seeing you smile lifted my mood" 

Mama Bakkoush laughs delightedly at that. She pats her husband's hand while shaking her head fondly. "You and your sweet words. I guess a soul mate for me is someone who you experience extreme obstacles with and after going though all that suffering, you only want to be with them more. When it all seems like it's worth the momentary pain you felt" she adds thoughtfully. 

Sana looks at Yousef who is staring down at his plate in concentration, brows stitched together in thought. She wonders what exactly he's thinking. 

"I chose to be with your father because I've never felt such strong emotions for anyone else. When he made me happy, I was the happiest I've ever been and when he made me sad, I was the most broken I'd ever been. if I had to be hurt or heart broken, I couldn't imagine it being anyone else but him doing it" Mama Bakkoush confesses with a small smile on her face. "I guess that's a soul mate, someone who feels like a missing puzzle piece that you need to become complete" 

Sana is left a little stunned because her parents had described her feelings for yoisef so pointedly, it's like they've read her mind. 

"What if.. what if the obstacles are too many?" Sana pipes up. She doesn't even know why she's talking to them about this when the boy she adores is sitting opposite her with wide hopeful eyes. She could be talking to him about this but Sana needs to hear some form of encouragement from her parents. 

"If you keep count of the obstacles then it isn't really true love, habibti. There will be hundreds of hardships throughout a relationship" Mama Bakkoush replies with a hand playing with the table cloth. "It's true love when despite all the countless obstacles you find a way back to one another" she addresses with a tilt to her head. 

Elias breaks the sudden silence with a appreciative hum. "Lots of food for thought about this soul mate shit. Seems way too complicated" he drawls. 

Mama Bakkoush puts her hand on his cropped hair with a fond smile. "Don't swear at my dinner table" she reprimands sternly but she's got a laugh working it's way past her lips when Elias shovels another spoonful of food into his mouth. 

Sana looks up to find Yousef smiling at her sweetly, lowered lashes and tilted chin almost vulnerable when his eyes meet hers. 

The soul mate thing doesn't sound too complicated to Sana. 

Not at all 

***

"So uh, how did you guys know?" 

Isak looks up at Sana from where his head is laid on the couch cushion by Sana's thigh. His hair fans out across the material of the cushion like coiled gold. 

"Know what?" He asks. 

Sana rolls her eyes and tugs at his fringe. "That you, you know, loved each other" 

Even is the one who looks at Sana then, brows raised in surprise but ultimately he seems curious. 

"Why do you ask?" He questions. Sana can't help but tilt her head down so that they can't see the heat that's creeping onto her cheeks. 

"No reason. Just curious" she dismisses with a nonchalant shrug to her shoulders. They both stare at her disbelievingly before they lock eyes and have some weird conversation of blinking and eye rolling. 

"Well. Only because you're curious, right?" Isak prods. Sana nods hurriedly, she's kind of regretting asking them in the first place now, she doesn't even know what to expect from them. 

"Well when it comes to love, you have to think about how happy this person makes you feel. Isak made me the happiest I've ever been" Even points out. He grins down lovingly at Isak who smiles ever so sweetly, hiding his crimson cheeks into the cushion. 

"Okay but what if the person you're in love with is completely different to you?" Sana ponders. She still hasn't had a chance to meet up with Yousef. Not when she's been busy with her exam, which is finally completed, Yousef himself has been slightly distant if Sana's being honest and she really hates that. She doesn't know what her boundaries are. If she's allowed to text him whenever she wants. If she's allowed to call him. Is he her boyfriend? She's not really allowed to have boyfriends. Sana's just very confused at the moment and it doesn't help that Yousef had already said the three words. It's put a lot of pressure on Sana to say it back but she really doesn't now if she's ready yet. 

"Me and Even are completely different but we balance each other out. If that makes any sense" isak insists with a furrow to his brows as he looks up at her. "It might be difficult to be with someone whose exactly like you. If you're both stubborn then nothing will ever get resolved" he adds. 

Sana shakes her head at that. She doesn't mean different like that, it's not a matter of Yousef's personality. if Sana's being honest, she finds Yousef's kindness and open mindedness to be something highly attractive. She adores that he's intelligent but also extremely stupid when it comes to certain things. Sana absolutely loves the endearing way he makes a fool out of himself just to make her laugh. Yousef is beyond pure with his heart of gold. She's not worried about his personality. 

"What if the person is different because of their, lets say they're not Muslim?" She hurries to ask. 

Isak sits up and rests his head on her shoulder. "You're the last person in the world to judge someone regarding their beliefs, Sana. I doubt you'd find any issues with that" he assures. He's right. Sana is very aware of how she acts and she's always very critical of herself rather than others. It's not her job to judge another human being, not when Allah is the one who judges all. 

Even leans onto Sana's side with a soft smile that smooths away the creases of his frown lines when he looks at her. "Wanna tell us the real reason on why you're asking these questions?" 

Sana goes to shake her head and change the subject but she pauses, stops herself from doing so. She's had enough of keeping things to herself, of not asking for advice when she's feeling beyond helpless. 

"There's a boy that I like" Sana starts but she's interrupted by Isak's whoop of triumph. 

"I knew it" he gloats with a weird dance that he does while sitting down. Sana can't help but laugh at him. He's so lame when he wants to be. 

"How could you know?" Sana demands, she knows she's not been obvious about her thing with Yousef so she doesn't really know how to feel now that Isak knows. 

"Saw you looking at his Facebook a while ago. Cute guy" he teases. Sana melts into the couch with her eyes cast downwards. She had hoped that he hadn't seen that. She thinks it's totally feasible to die from embarrassment at this rate. 

"Yeah. Him. I uh- I don't really-"

"How come I don't know this cute guy?" Even interrupts, looking almost indignant at the mere thought of not knowing who Sana was falling for. 

"It's Yousef" Sana tells him. She waits for a recoil. Some telling sign that they didn't get on or that something between them was wrong only Even smirks widely at her confession. 

"Wise choice. He's a good guy" he says finally. Sana feels her breath whoosh out of her lungs in relief at that. She'd been hopeful that they wouldn't say anything bad about Yousef. 

"He is. I just- I don't know" Sana flounders for words. She'd prepared what she was going to say before she'd arrived but she feels like all her rehearsed words had escaped her. She just doesn't know what to say. 

"Does he have a weird fetish? Is that why you're freaked out?" Isak taunts. Even hands Sana a nearby cushion and gives her an encouraging nod. Sana wacks Isak with the cushion repeatedly for that. 

"No! He's perfect" Sana insists. Because he is. He feels almost too good to be true sometimes.  
"S' just he's - he's not Muslim" 

Even makes a confused sound then " I'm pretty sure he is" he nods along when Sana shakes her head. 

"He's not" 

Even furrows his brows then. 

"He's- he used to be but um- some things happened and he's changed his outlook on religion" Sana explains. She doesn't really want to give away Yousef's reasoning because that's his story to tell. 

Even raises his brows at that. "That's strange. He's the most religious guy I know. He was the most religious out of the boys" he reminisces. Sana's the one whose left puzzled now. How can someone go from being extremely religious, to not caring for religion at all. 

"Well. He's not. Not anymore. But I still really like him. I want to to try things out with him" Sana shakes her head when it comes out wrong. "I mean. I want to be with him and I do feel like it might be love? But what if it's not and the religion thing becomes too much. I can't just date him and not have it go somewhere, I would want to marry him" she heaves out. She wants to keep talking but she doesn't know if she can. 

Isak and Even both smile at her encouragingly, nodding when she stammers with her words. 

"He just makes me feel. Like I've never felt before? I know it's dumb" Sana shakes her head at how cliche that must sound. "But he makes me unbelievably happy and I want to talk about everything with him. I want to know him, to understand what makes him tick. Does he really want twelve kids? I just wanna know him"

Isak's eyes snap open to stare at her. "Fuck, twelve kids? You poor girl" 

Sana tugs at his fringe until he yelps. 

"I'm not gonna have twelve kids with him, he's crazy if he thinks that's happening" Sana chides, Isak makes a relieved sound at that. "It's just. I really want this thing between us to work out but if he's not Muslim then what's the point in even trying?" She laments. 

It's all fun and good that she has this boy say he loves her and that he wants to be with her but it's ultimately unfair on both of them to put so much effort into being together when the final result is that they're not ever gonna end up together. 

"It's a really hard situation that you're in" Even admits with an arm going around Sana's shoulders. "On one hand I want to tell you to go for it. To give yourself a chance at maybe the only chance of happiness you get". Sana grimaces then. What if Yousef is the only one? What if he's the one destined for her and she just has to move on and be miserable without him. 

"On the other hand, I know how much your religion means to you. I don't want you to defy your beliefs for someone who may not be the one. It's a really hard situation" he adds. Sana hums along in acknowledgement. It really is a tricky situation to get involved in, she already feels so infatuated with Yousef. It feels unrealistic that she would ever get over him. 

"Maybe you should just try it out?"Isak pipes in with his brows raised as he looks up at them. "It doesn't seem like you're going to be able to give him up anyway" he points out. Sana opens her mouth to deny that. She might be able to get over Yousef, some day, after years of heartbreak she might get over him. 

Sana shakes her head as images of Yousef being with another girl and taking his kids to the park flash across her mind. Yousef preparing dinner while this faceless girl stands behind him, holding him close. Yousef reading stories to their children. Growing old with Yousef. When Sana closes her eyes to imagine what her future might look like, she always finds Yousef. Standing there and smiling back at her. 

"I could try. I could tell him that I can't do this" Sana protests. 

Isak nods slowly. "How would that help?"

Sana frowns. "It would. It might stop my feelings from turning into something more permanent" 

"Right. So your feelings aren't permeant now?" it's Even who asks now. Sana suddenly feels like they're ganging up on her. "You don't feel like the sun shines brighter when he's around? You don't feel your hearts beating faster when he's around? You don't feel like something out of this world when he's around?" Even asks. 

Sana has to curl her hands into fists to stop herself from darting out of their living room. He's right. He's so fucking right. Her feelings for Yousef feel way too genuine, too permanent to be just some dumb crush that she may be able to get over. It's too late for that now. 

"He does make me feel special" Sana admits quietly. She rests her head on Even's shoulder wearily. 

"See! I've never seen you talk this much about your emotions before today" Isak points out. He moves the cushion he was sleeping on, so that his head is now rested on Sana's thigh. "He obviously makes you feel something powerful if it's got you talking like this" he smirks. 

Sana flicks his nose fondly. "He does"

"You're going to get heartbroken one way or another. Whether you end things now or later. If he's not the one then it'll be destined that you get heart broken. You might as well try and see where things go" Even mumbles into the quiet of the room. "You might as well have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Or some shit like that" he sniggers. 

Sana and Isak both giggle at that before they're throwing cushions at Even. 

"He says he loves me but I'm not sure I can say it back just yet" Sana confesses after their laughter dies down. 

"Maybe you don't have to say it back with words just yet?" Even suggests. 

"Maybe let yourself be loved, no matter the consequences because at the end of the day. You're all that matters" Isak drawls with his hands waving in the air. 

Sana flicks his nose again. Isak pouts pitifully while Even bends down to kiss his nose with s roll of his eyes. 

"I love you, losers" Sana whispers into the ruckus of their voices. She's not sure if they hear her but when she leaves, they both hug her tight and make her promise to tell them if she needs anything. 

***

Yousef: Hey! ;)  
Message sent 17:03

Sana: Hi ;)  
Message sent 17:10

Yousef: What happened with our date? The cute cafe one?  
Message sent 17:11

Sana: Hahah! Very funny. I guess I changed my mind. Met a nice boy today. Might go with him instead....  
Message sent 17:20

Yousef: Hah!  
Yousef : You better be joking :/  
Yousef; You are joking right, Sana?  
Message sent 17:22

Sana: Nope Not joking! sorry -.-  
Message sent 20:10

Yousef : You made me wait three hours to get my heart broken?  
Message sent 20:17

Sana: Sorry. Was helping with Iftar. Elias messed up the samosas. He lied and said he was good at making them. He made them into little balls instead :/  
Message sent 20:20

Yousef: Hahahahah! What an idiot. (Don't tell him I said that). No worries. I'd wait the rest of my life for you. <3  
Message sent 20:22

Yousef: Seriously. When can we meet up? Wanna talk to you.  
Message sent 20:27

Sana: I don't have class on Friday. We can meet then?  
Message sent 20:35

Sana: There's this cafe near the basketball and football yards. It's called 'Cafe Christina'. You know it?  
Message sent 20:37

Yousef: Yeah. I know it. Not too far away. What time do you want to meet up?  
Message sent 20:53

Sana: Whenever you're free? Maybe at 3? So it's not too late  
Message sent 22:17

Yousef: Okay. I'll be there. How was fasting today ?  
Message sent 22:20

Sana: It was good. Not too much tiredness ... Just stressed out from the bus thing.  
Message sent 22:35

Yousef: Don't stress yourself out too much. Everything will settle into place soon.  
Message sent 22:37

Sana: I hope so. I might complain to you when I see you. Hahaha  
Message sent 22:50

Yousef: Complain all you want. By the way, these organs are still on offer if they'll make you less stressed out.  
Message sent 23:00

Sana: Hahahah. Again with the organs. Stop offering all of them to me.  
Message sent 23:05

Yousef: i like offering all of my organs to you though :D  
Yousef: actually there's only one that I'm not offering.  
Message sent 23:10

Sana: Oh yeah? What's that then?  
Message sent 23:17

Yousef: My heart. Because I can never offer to you what you already have.  
Yousef; G'Night, Bakkoush.  
Message sent 23:20

Sana: Sweet dreams, Yousef  
Message sent 23:35

***

"Boo!" Sana startles as someone hovers over her with their hands clasping her arms. She's about to throw a punch straight to the stranger's jaw when she sees Yousef's smug face. 

"You scared me!" Sana hisses. She keeps her hand to herself instead of reaching out to touch him. She just wants to press her fingertips to his cheek to make sure that he's really here. "And you're late" Sana reprimands him. 

"I know. I'm sorry. I had to wait for this to dry" Yousef apologises while placing a card onto the table while taking a seat in the chair opposite Sana's. 

"What's this?" Sana picks up the card gently, it's still a little wet from paint but it looks very colourful. 

Yousef shrugs out of his jacket and pushes himself closer to the table, hands inches away from Sana's. "The kids in the school asked me about where I was going today. So I told them I was meeting my date and they wanted to make you a card. I haven't read what they've written in there so I can't make promises that it'll all be cute" Yousef reveals with a shy smile on his face when Sana looks up at him from beneath her lashes. 

The front of the card is messy with blobs of random finger prints and flower drawings. There's a few attempts at spelling her name but they're all wrong. Sana can't help but find that ever so endearing. She bites her lip to suppress her smile and opens the card. Sana can't quite read their handwriting which is all jumbled together into one mess at the end of the card. She does understand a few of the words, a lot of attempts of spelling out girlfriend. 

On the other side of the card, in a disturbingly nest scrawl are the words; "To Yousef's special girl , from Yousef's special kids" 

Sana can't help but laugh at that. Yousef is undeniably sweet. 

"This is cute" she says while placing the card gently on the table, careful not to smudge any of the paint. 

"I got in trouble for calling you my special girl. All the girls in the class were mad at me the whole time I was there" Yousef admits with a soft smile on his face. Sana giggles at that. She pushes the drink she brought for Yousef towards him with a nod. 

"I got you a cappuccino. Hope that's okay" Sana tells him. She pushes the muffin she'd brought for him across the table too. Yousef's eyes widen in pleasant surprise as he smiles crookedly. 

"Thank you, but you really didn't have to go through all this" Yousef protests. He's looking down at his card sullenly then. Sana picks up the card and presses it close to her. 

"It's okay. I like your present better" Sana grins when Yousef takes a huge bite of his muffin and makes an appreciative sound that sends a thrill all the way down to Sana's toes. 

Sana's about to say something else when the waitress from earlier come back with the change from Yousef's food. She puts the notes down on the table and gives Sana a questioning look. 

"Is there anything else I can get you?" 

Sana shakes her head politely before she picks up the change and places it in her pocket. The girl gives them one long look before she goes off to the counter where she's whispering with another barista. Sana knows that girl is one of the Parsi max girls and no doubt that this little dare will be the talking point for everyone for the next week but Sana doesn't really care. Not when Yousef leans in to press his lips to her cheek. 

"You didn't have to go though all that for me" Yousef protests when Sana keeps shaking her head. "Next time. I'm buying" he promises. Sana just smirks at him. So a next time may be possible for them?

"You told your kids about me?" Sana changes the subject as she watches Yousef sip at his drink. 

Yousef hums in agreement before he's putting the glass down. "I always tell them stories in the morning so I told them about his princess Sana and now they're in love with you" he grins. 

Sana swars at his shoulder. "I'm no way near a princess". 

Yousef rolls his eyes then. "You are such a princess. The perfect princess" he adds. 

Sana groans at how unbelievably lame he is. "Princesses don't wear scarves, Yousef" she points out. "And they don't go on dates with dorks"

"Dates, hmm?" Yousef teases with a tilt to his chin when he looks at her. He chuckles when Sana rolls her eyes at him and shakes her head. "Well you wear a scarf and you go on dates with dorks so you're the greatest princess around" Yousef persists with a solemn nod of his head. Sana shakes her head fondly at him but doesn't say anything. 

"I missed you" Yousef mumbles into his steaming cup, eyes focused on Sana's every move. 

"We talked literally every day" Sana reminds him. They did. They spent hours talking on the phone whenever she could find some peace and quiet so that she could talk with him freely. 

"Not enough. Still missed you" Yousef pouts. He throws his napkin at her, snickering when it hits her on the shoulder. Sana had to actually remind herself that she's the younger one here and not Yousef. 

"Think your infatuation with me is a little creepy" Sana tells him. She doesn't think it's creepy. Not one bit. She's actually enjoying the attention. 

"Not infatuation, s'love" Yousef says as he fans at his tongue when he takes too long of a sip from the steaming cup. 

"Yousef-" Sana opens her mouth to speak but snaps it shut when her eyes meet Yousef's. 

"What? Come on tell me?"

Sana looks at him hesitantly before she looks down at her twiddling fingers. "I don't know if I can say that yet" she says mournfully. 

Yousef merely shrugs nonchalantly while taking a bite of his muffin. "I don't expect you to. Say it whenever you want. Whenever you feel like you can say you love me too" he assure her.

Sana still doesn't look convinced at his reassuring words so Yousef lets his hand hover over hers, eyes glancing down like they're waiting for approval,which she gives with a small nod of her head as Yousef gently grabs a hold of her hand as he traces his fingertips over her veins. 

"Look. I love you as the tough girl that is willing to fight anyone as long as she makes her friends and family happy" Yousef starts with a deep sigh and his eyes wander over to Sana's. 

"I love you as the unimpressed girl who hates my memes and probably hates the fact that I spend hours making those memes myself" Yousef adds. He tilts Sana's head up with his forefinger lifting her chin. 

"And I love you as the girl whose not sure of everything going on right now. I live for every part of you. So don't worry about it, yeah? We can figure that out later" Yousef insists. 

"You don't mind that I haven't said it yet?" 

Yousef shakes his head adamantly. "Not at all. I don't mind if you take years to say it. I don't mind if you never say it at all" he says honestly while finishing off his muffin. 

"Never? How would you survive your whole life not knowing that I loved you?" Sana persists. She's really curious as to why he feels like this. 

"I would know" Yousef assures. He's ripping the corner of the tissue in front of him while looking away from Sana. 

"How?" 

Yousef looks up then and flicks a few tissue pieces at her. "You can say I love you with actions too. Not just words, Bakkoush" he reminds her. Sana hums thoughtfully before she looks at Yousef once again. He's taking gulps of his cappuccino with a huge grin plastered all over his face. Sana can't believe she gets to have this boy all to herself. 

"Lets get out of here, yeah?" Yousef suggests with a lick of his lips. 

Sana looks at him puzzled. "Where will we go? It's bit cold outside" she asks. It's not that cold but she'd thought that they could sit in this cafe for a little bit and talk. 

Yousef stands up and takes a final gulp of his drink before he licks his lips clean. He's got one hand outstretched to Sana, palm facing up as he stares at her pointedly. "Do you trust me?" 

Sana looks up at him then. He's got s mischievous glint in his eyes that's almost daring her to put her hand in his. She gives him a brief once over that causes a flush to his cheeks that Sana shouldn't feel so proud of, but she is. 

Sana takes his hand and gives it a small squeeze before they're both heading out of the cafe with their arms intertwined, hoods up and huddled together. 

"We should go by the beach" Yousef suggests as he walks along a little faster, weaving his way in between people so that they bump into him rather than Sana. 

"It's a bit cold for the beach" Sana tells him while tugging her jacket s little tighter around her. Yousef merely grins over his shoulder at her before he's moving a little faster so that they're both running. 

They stop just at the beginning of the pier, Yousef jumping down before he turns to Sana, his arms raised up to catch her. "Come on" he coaxes with a a wide smile on his face. Sana waits a beat just so that she can look at him properly. Really get to see him before she jumps. 

His wide eyes and crooked grin cause an endeared tug to her heart. The ebony hairs that obstruct his view are fluttering in the wind, sharp jaw prominent as he looks up at her. He's gorgeous, Sana thinks to herself. Yousef smirks like he knows what she's thinking and steps a little closer so he's a little closer, neck tilting back to stare up at her. Sana takes that moment to jump

"Come on, Sana. Jump and I'll catch you" 

Sana feels those words on an entirely different level as they settle against her heart, a lick of something sweet around her bones. So she jumps. Yousef's arms are braced and ready to catch her and he does. He catches her right as she's about to stumble. They burst into manic laughter as their bodies collide, foreheads bumping together as they regain their footing

"Come on" Yousef says again and they're both moving to the end of the pier before Yousef stops her and nudges them to a nearby bench with a overhead water sprinkler. Sana pulls away from him then, eyebrows furrowing when he stands just out of the way of the sprinkler. 

"What are you doing?" She asks nervously. This was a brand new scarf and she will not let Yousef ruin it by being a kid. 

Yousef tucks his fringe behind his ear so that he can look at her properly. "Lets do a test, yeah? A trust test" he announces. Sana rolls her eyes at him. 

"I literally have been doing tests this whole week Yousef, I don't need a test from you as well" Sana complains but she's stepping forward to stand toe to toe with him. Yousef chuckles while he shakes his head at her, his fringe falling back to cover his eyes. Sana's hands almost itch to push it aside so that she can see his beautiful smile properly. 

"This is an easy test. All you have to do is trust me" Yousef persists while standing directly under the shower head. "I'm gonna put my hand on here" he presses his palm to the button but he never actually presses hard enough to force water out of the head. "And you have to stand here and trust that I won't get you wet" Yousef explains. 

Sana watches him carefully. "Are you serious?" 

Yousef scoffs like he's offended by her question. "Yes. I'm very serious" he grumbles while leaning a little closer to her, face inches away. 

"Yousef-" she starts but Yousef interrupts quickly with a knowing grin. 

"I'll go first, here" he takes his hand off the button and waits for Sana to place her hand on where his had been. Sana places her hand on the button and stares up at him with a wide smile. 

"I'm gonna push it" she teases, laughing hysterically when Yousef jumps back despite all his previous bravado. 

"Sana" he warns but he can't help but laugh too. "Wait. Wait lets do this properly. Do you trust me?" He persists. 

Sana shakes her head stubbornly. "No. Lets do something else" she grumbles while teasingly moving her hand to the button once more just to see Yousef flinch in anticipation. 

Yousef scoffs at her with a stern brow raised high when he stares at her. "Please?" He urges. Sana huffs in irritation but she stands under the head, eyes trained on Yousef to make sure he doesn't touch the button. 

"Do you trust me?" He asks, standing up now in front of Sana, his hand hovers over the button. 

"Hey" Sana ducks out of the way, shuffling backwards when she sees his hand. "I don't like this game" she complains as she stares up at him. 

"Please?" 

Sana's stubbornness wilts away. She really can't say no to his big, pleading eyes. She takes a step forward so that she's standing right under the shower head, eyes focused on Yousef he entire time. He puts his hand on the button a little more firmly than she had anticipated, causing her to flinch but still stand her ground. Still watch him like he's the only thing that matters. 

Yousef raises his brow like he's challenging Sana, his hand pushes a little harder against the button while he watches her. Sana merely keeps her stance. 

"You trust me" he grins and moved his hand away from the button while pecking the tip of Sana's nose gently. She beams up at him then with a tilt to her chin. 

"Your turn. But you have to close your eyes" Sana instructs. 

Yousef's brows furrow at that. "Why do I have to close my eyes. That's harder than just standing under this" he complains while taking a step back. Sana pulls at his sleeve gently so he's back in his previous place. 

"So you don't trust me? I thought this was a trust test?" She inquires with a teasing grin. Yousef pushes his fringe back to stare at her. Sana steps back while ducking her head to adjust her smile, sucking in her cheeks in an attempt to look upset. "I trust you. I don't know why you don't tr-"

"Okay! Okay! I'm closing my eyes" Yousef hurries to say with a hand held up in the air to stop her from finishing her sentence. He pouts before closing his eyes and standing still beneath the head. Sana moves his hand away from the button and places her hand there instead. Yousef shuffles backwards and blinks one eye open to glare at Sana. 

"Hey!" She shouts. "No peeking" Sana warns. Yousef grumbles under his breath before he's closing his eyes again. 

"I don't like this game" he mutters sardonically. Sana laughs at that before leaning up on her tip toes so that she's level with him. 

Sana can't help but giggle at him. "You're the one who said we should play this game" she points out. He can't back away now, it was his idea in the first place. 

"I know" he says mournfully. Yousef's frowns but he keeps his eyes closed, Adam's apple bobbing when Sana's arm brushes over his as she presses her hand more firmly against the button. 

"So. Just trust me" Sana says softly then, smile widening when Yousef's entire face smoothes out and his lips spread into a wide grin. She leans forward on her toes until her lips are inches away from his just so that she can get a good look at him. 

The thing is Sana had always known he was good looking, even back when they were young, she had always known. It was just a fact. Like that humans need oxygen to function. She just hadn't expected her breath to get knocked out of her at how stunning he is. 

Yousef's got these jutting cheekbones and an angular jaw that's lined with a light stubble that shouldn't make her weak in the knees. Her eyes dart over to his wide smile, he's got sugary pink lips that look so plump and enticing. His smooth glowing skin has her hands twitching to touch him. Sana tips her head back to look at him a little closer, her hand reaches out to push back the luscious ebony hair that's falling over his eyes. Her trembling hands touch at his cheek before she thinks better of it and yanks her hand away. 

"What was that?" Yousef clenches his eyes shut while tilting his head to side so that he's no tempted to open his eyes. 

Sana watches him fondly. He's really cute, she thinks to herself. He makes everything seem so worthwhile, Sana doesn't even know how it's possible that he's so lovely both inside and outside. He's always been so encouraging to Sana, whatever she does, he's been supportive. Sana remembers ditching her pastel headscarves and flowery print dresses for black hoodies and black scarves. She'd thrown on her darkest lipsticks and darkest eye shadows as a mask to hide behind after all the bullying. Yousef had been the first to smile encouragingly when he'd first seen her. He'd frowned and mumbled to himself when Elias laughed at her teasingly. He'd even brushed by her on the way out of the living room while pulling a funny face behind Elias' back just to have her giggle into her shoulder shyly.

"What's going on?" Yousef asks as more of his fringe falls over his eyes. Sana yearns to push his hair back and study his face thoroughly, peck soft kisses onto every inch of his nose. Sana sighs wistfully and keeps her hands to herself, allowing herself to drop back onto her feet so that they're not level anymore. 

"Sana-" Yousef starts as he bats his wide eyes open, gaze already trained on hers. Sana has to heave in a tortured breath when he stares at her. Yousef looks momentarily side tracked, mouth opening and closing as he stares at her before he gets this unfairly gorgeous smug look on his face. "What are you doing?" He grins. 

Sana gawps at him, heart thudding her chest as she tries to regain her composure. She shakes her head to break out of her Yousef induced trance. "Nothing" she mumbles while furrowing her brows at him. "You uh, you trust me. That's good" Sana coughs hesitantly before stepping backwards, nearly stumbling over her own feet to regain her balance. Yousef reaches out to steady her but Sana moves away from his grip and allows herself to regain her footing. Yousef waits for her with his lips pressed together to hide his smirk. 

"I don't like this game. Lets go"  
Sana distracts with a dismissive wave of her hand as Yousef takes a step closer to her so that they're level once again before he takes another step so that they're side to side. 

"Okay then, Bakkoush" Yousef agrees, teeth pulling at his lower lip to keep from laughing merrily at Sana's sudden shyness. 

They stumble together over to the beach, huddled together and whispering about nonsensical things that make Sana snort out heapfuls of laughter. They play with the swans in the water, Sana laughing hysterically when Yousef leaps back in shock when the swan approaches him. 

They spend the hours together in a cloud of mirth, all a blur of aching grins and fleeting, gentle touches until Sana notices the midnight blue surrounding them. 

"Oh. It's gotten so late" Sana notes while Yousef looks around confused like he can't quite believe that time flew by just like that. 

"Do you have to get back?" He asks while pushing his hair back, sighing in frustration when his hair falls back over his eyes seconds later. Sana smiles at him, effortlessly endeared. She pulls out her phone, expecting it to be late or that she'd have hundreds of calls and messages from her frantic family. Only it's not Maghrib yet and there's only one message from her mother asking if she's okay. Sana quickly texts her that she's fine and that she'll be back soon before she pockets her phone and looks up at Yousef. 

"It's not Maghrib yet. I'll have to get back if I wanna eat something" Sana tells him. She wishes that she'd brought something with her so that she wouldn't have to head back just yet. 

"You think I'd go on a date with a girl whose been fasting for nineteen hours and not bring her something to eat?" Yousef seems highly offended but he's got this twinkle in his eye when Sana smiles at him lovingly. He takes off his bag pack and pulls out a thermos with plastic bowls. 

"Aw" Sana coos, heart melting at how considerate Yousef is. She grins when he ducks his head and hides his blushing cheeks. 

"Don't aw me! I get awkward" Yousef chides with reddened cheeks that only spur Sana into teasing him more. "Don't make me throw you into the water" Yousef warns with a mock frown before he's smiling. He tries to school his features so that he's not smiling. Yousef fakes an offended look as he pulls her closer, arm going around Sana's shoulders. 

They count down to Maghrib together, arms lifted in the air, the city lights glowing in the distance cause Yousef's eyes to sparkle like he's got entire galaxies in his eyes. And Sana feels like maybe falling in love with him wouldn't be so difficult. 

Yousef whoops once they're done counting and Sana can't help but be endeared by his dorkiness. 

Yousef pulls Sana down to sit on a nearby bench as he fumbles through his bag once more to find a water bottle which he hands to Sana with flourish. Sana accepts it while Yousef pours soup from the thermos into the plastic bowls and pulls out the plastic spoons he's got in his bag. 

"Did you make this yourself?" Sana asks as Yousef brings two wrapped cake slices out of his bag with a satisfied grunt. 

"Yes" Yousef answers quickly. He shakes his head and bites his lower lip shyly. "Okay. My mom helped me" he decides. Sana gives him a considering look as Yousef sags in his chair. "Okay she made it, I just watched her" Yousef says defensively before he gets a hopeful look on his face. "But I did make the cake all by myself". 

Sana gives him a small smile. "Smells lovely, Yousef. Can't wait to try these out" she reassures when she notices his nervous flickering eyes. 

Yousef hands her a steaming bowl with an appreciative nod to his head. Sana takes it and places it on her lap before making dua before she broke her fast. She chugs down her water all in one go with her eyes on Yousef when he stares at her in bewilderment, hand reaching out to stop her drinking so fast. 

"Sana. Relax" Yousef urges with a tentative hand reaching over to cup her shoulder blade comfortingly. Sana merely stares at him bemused. She waits until he hurriedly shoves a spoonful of soup in his mouth, eyes softening at the taste before she takes a taste of her own. The first thing Sana notices is that it's carrot soup. She tries so very hard not to roll her eyes but she can't help it, this boy cannot get any more endearing. She's met with a concoction of spices that play on her tongue until the warmth seeps right down to her belly, causing a wonderful sated feeling even after one mouthful. Sana melts into her seat with a satisfied sound, Yousef humming in acknowledgement. 

"This is amazing. How did she make it?" Sana asks, she's genuinely curious. There's such a blend of tastes and textures that Sana can't even keep up, hand already reaching for another spoonful. 

"It's a secret recipe" Yousef replies with a shake of his head when Sana looks at him inquiringly. She lets out a disbelieving giggle at that, rolling her eyes because he's so ridiculous. Ridiculously cute. 

Sana hums thoughtfully then while taking another mouthful of the steaming soup. 

"It's a bunch of vegetables and spices. I'll give you the recipe later" Yousef amends with a soft smile on his face, shoulder pressing to Sana's gently. "Actually it might be a little complicated for you" Yousef decides with a smirk on his face. 

Sana stares at him questioningly. "Why?" 

Yousef looks down at this hands before looking up at Sana with a glimmer in his eyes. "Because the recipe requires that you know how to peel a carrot the right way and such". 

Sana can't help but giggle at that while picking up her spoon once more to take another spoonful of the soup. 

"I don't know if you're the right candidate for that" he adds with a smug look on his face that immediately morphs into a soft smile when Sana looks at him. They share a smile, eyes locked for a moment before Sana turns away shyly. Yousef keeps watching her, eyes trained on her so intensely that Sana can almost feel it like it's a physical touch. 

"Anyways" Sana coughs awkwardly. "It was really nice of you to bring soup". She takes another spoonful and allows herself to savour the tease for a few seconds before Yousef's voice distracts her. 

"See? I can be good even though I don't fast" Yousef points out with a teasing smile only his words cause something to stir in Sana. She nods along in acknowledgement because it's true, Yousef is a good guy even though he doesn't fast. 

"I haven't been very good during this fast" Sana admits as she watches him shovel a spoonful into his mouth. Eyes trained on the way his cheeks move and his Adam's apple bobs. 

She doesn't feel like she has. The constant feelings of distaste for Sara. The thoughts she had over her friends. The thoughts about Yousef and his intentions. She doesn't feel like she's been good. 

Yousef is quiet for a few seconds before he lets his spoon sit in the bowl. "No?"

Sana shakes her head vehemently . "I've been quite terrible lately" she tells him. 

Yousef looks disbelieving for a second, like he can't muster up the thought of her being anything but good. His eyes glaze over like he's suddenly understanding something profound before he presses his lips together. Eyes trained on her the entire time. His brows furrow as he licks the taste of the soup off his lips. "There's still a week of Ramadan left" he points out before his lips twitch into a crooked grin. "You have a week to make things right again". 

Sana turns to him with a smile of her own, heart warming at his hopeful words and honest enthusiasm. "True" she agrees. 

They sit there for a few minutes in comfortable silence as they finish off the rest of their soup. Yousef every so often having to push back his fringe so that it doesn't obstruct his view of Sana. They watch the glittering city lights ripple in the water as the sun sets even lower. 

"I actually got bullied a lot in middle school" Sana blurts out. She doesn't know why she feels the need to talk and explain herself, she doesn't know why she needs for Yousef to know her this much. All she knows is that she finds solace in Yousef's kind eyes and crooked grins. 

"So every time I experience something like it. I just- I don't know. Just go all black" Sana explains. She tilts her head to look at Yousef, hoping he'd understand what she meant. Sana is met with a solemn looking Yousef who nods along encouragingly, eyes a little distant like he's remembering it all. Like all the pieces finally fit together. 

Sana had hidden behind her tough girl bravado whenever she'd been fearful of getting bullied. Yousef had seen that happen before his very eyes. Seeing a fresh faced smiling Sana morph into a scowling, moody, wielding all black teenager, had definitely been due to the bullying. 

"But I'm-' she pauses momentarily. " I'm working on thinking that people don't have prejudices against Islam" she reveals with a somber shake to her. "It's hard" Sana hurries to add because it's so difficult to change a perception that's been so engraved into her psyche. 

Yousef's eyes search Sana's when she looks at him, not to scrutinise, but rather to try to understand. To comprehend just how much she's been through. 

"I mean even you said religion splits societies" Sana reminds him. Yousef looks momentarily pleased that she remembered before he tilts his head back to look at the rippling water in front of them. 

"Honestly" Yousef stops momentarily to inhale deeply before he continues. "I think that society would be split anyways. Even if religion didn't exist" he turns to look at Sana then, eyes no longer searching, looking rather confused himself. 

Sana presses her lips together and meets his gaze. "You think so?" 

Yousef nods slowly. "Yeah". 

He looks completive for a second before continuing. "For example. When you arrive to a revue party, the first thing you do is look for people you know. So you can stand with them and not alone" he reflects while Sana stares at him. 

"I think the entire world is like that" Yousef adds with a little more determination. Sana tips her head back a little and offers him a smile. 

"You think of this entire world as a huge revue party?" She inquires teasingly. 

"Everyone thinks that they have the best pre parties. Everyone thinks they're at the good side. But actually there's no thing as good and evil. There's just people being in groups so that won't have to be alone" Yousef explains with a duck to his head before he's watching Sana with an unreadable expression on his face. 

Sana gulps uneasily, bites at her lower lip before she meets his gaze properly. So, you're saying that all humans are exactly the same?" 

Yousef takes a sip of his soup and nods with a slightly distracted look on his face. "Yeah". 

"Scientifically, humans are very unlike each other" Sana points out. Different genes make up each individual so it does mean that not everyone is completely the same. It makes and everyone is unique. 

Yousef has a thoughtful look on his face at her words. "Maybe that's why society needs religion" he admits with his spoon clinking in his bowl. "Democracy isn't built on the idea that all humans are different. It's built on the premise that all humans are worth the same" Yousef offers with a considering furrow to his brows. "And that idea, doesn't come from science" he adds. 

Sana smiles at that, cheeks aching at how wide her smile grows from his words. 

"I don't know if it helps to go around, pretending that prejudices don't exist. What you have to do is show what Islam is like " Yousef acknowledges while ducking his head to take another sip, bangs falling over his face. 

Sana watches him intensely for a few seconds, eyes flickering over his face, feeling awestruck. He's undeniably beautiful, both with his physical appearance and the way his mind works. It just feels euphoric to delve into his mind. He speaks of Islam in a way that has her heart racing in her chest, maybe he isn't so against religion after all. 

"You're actually Muslim, you just say you're not" Sana teases. Although having a conversation with Yousef about these matters is highly educating, she knows he follows his own path in life and that her path may not be what he desires. But. There's a glimmer of hope that ignites her bones. 

Yousef lets out a light chuckle, lips twitching and nose scrunching endearingly. "Unfortunately, I'm not" he mumbles. 

"But how can you be completely sure that you don't believe in God?"

Yousef tilts his head to the side to stare at her. "I don't feel what you feel" he explains gently. 

"Okay. But I don't feel like that all the time" Sana insists. She hasn't always been so completely sure about what she believes. Although her beliefs are recently much stronger, sometimes she does feel a flicker of weakness in her faith. "I doubt sometimes". 

Yousef's eyes flicker over to the water before they're back on Sana. "Yeah, but you believe in God" he points out. 

"How can you know that for sure?" Sana persists. She wants him to understand that she's not always been so confident in her beliefs. Some days she had doubted so much and others she had felt so much love and understanding for her religion. Her words must be shedding some form of light for Yousef as he gawps at her, momentarily unsure before he shakes his head lightly, bangs falling out of place once again. 

"I don't know" he shrugs, ducking his head to look at his soup like he's mustering up the courage to stare Sana in the eyes with this new piece of knowledge, working its way into his mind. "But shall I tell you something sick?" 

Sana watches him quizzically, head tilted to the side in question. 

"Did you know that inside a cockroach"s head there are nine amino acids? That are stronger than the medicines we have today?" It's a distraction from an obviously sensitive topic that he doesn't want to discuss right now. Sana allows him his space and goes along with it, giggling at him when he gets it wrong. 

"Amino acids?"

Yeah? What is it called then? Isn't it amino acids?" He queries. 

Sana can't help but giggle harder at his mock offended expression. She presses her lips together and shakes her head, a goofy smile making its way over to her lips when Yousef looks monetarily surprised at getting it wrong. 

"Antibiotic molecules " Sana corrects him. 

"Wow" Yousef groans at his own incorrect facts. Sana can't help but laugh. "Really? Okay.." he paused before staring at Sana with a weak glare, one that softens immediately when he notices the dip of her dimples. "I'm saving your religion here and you're going to do is sir here and diss me? Huh?" He challenges. Sana offers him a teasing grin, eyes sparkling when they catch the moonlight. 

"You get my point. Do you think it's all a big coincidence?" He looks around pointedly before gazing back at her, head tilted backwards like her answer is the most important thing he wants to hear. "Yes or no?" 

"No" 

"No, Exactly" 

Sana shakes her disbelievingly at this dork of a boy before taking another sip of her soup, licking at her lips to savour the flavour. Her face heats up when she notices Yousef gawping at her like he just can't force his gaze away from her. 

"But if you ever stop believing in God, you're welcome to my religion" Yousef offers. "The huge revue party religion" he adds enticingly. 

Sana snickers at that. "I don't know about that". 

Yousef smirks before going back to his soup, his smile is so wide that it looks like it hurts his cheeks. 

"Is it okay to marry a non believer in your religion?"she asks while watching him imploringly. 

"Yeah. That's totally chill" Yousef agrees while trying to act blasé at her question. His smile defies him when it quirks upwards in hope. 

Sana watches him thoughtfully for a few seconds hoping that he understood what she'd implied, before turning away to stare at the gushing waves in front of her. "I wish it was chill in my religion too" Sana admits wistfully. 

Yousef's brows stitch together before he's angling his head to the side. "How come? Are you going to marry a non believing man?"

Sana lifts her brow at him, eyes widening a little at him to prove her point before she smiles. "Yeah. Maybe"

Who?" Yousef demands. 

Sana waits a beat, watches Yousef's eyes tilt downwards like he's disappointed, before she smirks at him. 

"Stephen Curry" 

Yousef scoffs disbelievingly. "Wow"

"We're going to make a basketball team" Sana continues. 

Yousef grins at her, hopelessly endeared. "Really? Six kids then? Maybe?" 

"Yeah" Sana can't help but chuckle with him. 

"That's chill" he nods while snickering to himself. 

He looks down at his watch then and sighs tiredly. "I might have to leave in a bit". 

Sana nods, feeling slightly disheartened at having to cut this meeting short. "Okay". 

Yousef watches her with a smug look plastered all over his face. "We'll go on another date when you get over Stephen Curry" he taunts. 

Sana can't help the burst of laughter that forces its way out of her lips at that. "Okay" she agrees, toes curling in her sneakers at the thought of another date. 

They spend the remaining time mystified by one another. Sana can't quite explain it but neither one of them can look away from each other for too long. Taking sips of their soup in between sharing smiles. When Yousef's phone starts buzzing non stop and Sana's phone goes off with messages from her mother, they decide that it may be time to call if a night. Except neither one of them want it to end, fearing that it had been too perfect to ever happen again. 

Yousef tugs her to his chest once they've packed away and are about to head off. Sana wraps her arms around his neck, balancing herself on the tip of her toes so that she can hug him properly. Yousef has a strong grip around her waist, arms tightening when she moved her chin to settle where his shoulder meets his neck. 

"Thank you" Yousef mumbles into the side of her neck, fingertips pressing into her a little more, like he almost can't believe this is real. 

"For what?" She can't help but cling back onto him. 

"Being here with me. Agreeing to meet me. Giving me a chance. Letting me get a chance to work my butt off to deserve you" Yousef acknowledges while his hands settle onto the middle of her back, never once pressing her harder into him. Sana feels a jolt of emotion shoot straight through her spine at his words. 

"Yousef-" she starts but he shakes his head gently. 

"I mean it, Sana. I will make it up to you" 

All Sana can do is press her hand to the back of his neck and allow herself to snuggle into him, nose burying into his skin, eyes welling up at the sheer amount of love she feels radiating from this boy. 

And if her lips form the words I love you into the dark night, surrounded by this boy and his comforting arms, then no one will know except for her. 

 

***

Vilde: Sana 

Vilde: Sana I know you're mad at me but this is important

Vilde: we need to talk 

Sana: why? 

Vilde: please ? 

Vilde: I just really need to speak to you 

Vilde: it's an emergency. 

Sana: are you okay? Where are you? Do you need me to come to you now??

Vilde: I'm okay. Don't worry. Can we meet up tomorrow? 

Sana: ok we can. Are you sure you're ok?

Vilde: yeah I'll meet you outside of school.


End file.
